La Zona Muerta

Largely the internet.

*crickets*

“Hey, DJ?” some have asked over the years. “Are you a shoot DJ?” Leaving aside the fact that I know pretty much nothing about popular music after, oh, I dunno, the year 2004 or so, the answer is no. I have dicked around for friends and put together set lists and the like, though, and have fooled around with the idea of DJing if nothing else. Let’s put it another way; I’ve never been PAID to DJ.

“So what’s the Convoy thing about?”

Oh, you mean this guy?

I am what I play

Ooops, sorry.

You mean this guy?

My name is Optimus Prime, nerd

Yeah, I’m a weeb and I like calling him Convoy. If you need the secret origin of my internet handle, there’s a brief amount of time that Blaster (the fella that turned into a boombox, a “ghetto blaster,” if you will), was de facto leader of the Autobots in the comics of my youth.

Yes, that’s a human knocking out two robots with an uprooted tree. What of it?

Once he became leader for like two issues, a less enlightened soul might have called him “Blastimus Prime” if he received the Autobot Matrix of Leadership. This is my favorite incarnation of the character… and the Japanese tend to name their Convoys different things in accordance with the gimmick / line (so you have the likes of Fire Convoy, Beast Convoy, Speed Convoy, Galaxy Convoy, etc.) and… you add two and two together, and you get my internet moniker of the last 25 years.

Interesting, no?

No.

Anyway, there’s the secret origin of my internet handle. Now here’s some pictures of Transformers toys.

My most recent Transformers purchases were Missing Link Convoy and Lunar Cruiser Convoy. I have an extensive collection of various Optimus Primes and Convoys. There was a time, before Transformers blew back up again somewhere in the 2000s, where it was possible to own every iteration of Prime / Convoy, and I did. I don’t any longer; I don’t have the hat Convoy or the shoe Convoy or the PlayStation Convoy (I DO own the Mega Drive Megatron, tho’) or the pen Convoy or the Canon camera Convoy or etc. There came a point where it simply wasn’t possible to have everything any longer, and space / money / time constraints have hit me just like anyone else. I probably would have given some of the crazy, huge Transformers collectors a run for their money, once and now I’m not even in that type of stratosphere any longer. And that’s okay; the collection police are never gonna show up and peruse my collection, looking for value and weight. I’m just saying that now my Transformers purchases tend to be more measured, less extravagant and less frequent these days than they used to be.

When Missing Link Convoy was announced, I knew I had to have it. The idea is that it’s basically the original, G1 toy with additional molded details that would have been decals once, but with added articulation. It’s perfect. A little pricey, but they tend to stick it to you on Convoys and it IS an import. They have announced two more bots in the Missing Link liner; Bumblebee (Bumble) and Cliffjumper (Cliff)… and it’s the same deal, the basic same toys from 1984 but with logical articulation.

Those tiny little things are like 40 to 50 dollars EACH, so they will not be taking the spacebridge to Casa de Convoy any time soon.

I got Lunar Cruiser Convoy because he’s the real life Toyota Lunar Cruiser. Sometimes, that’s all it takes.

What auto brand is he again? I forgot

I’d be tickled pink if they come up with some lore for this guy.

“Daddy?” “Yes, son?” “What does regret mean?”

Finally, the real reason to buy toys when you’re in your forties

Unfortunately, my fun ended there. He’s a handsome fella in Cruiser mode… in robot mode, he’s okay, but not much tabs together and, as with many modern Transformers, he wears a LOT of his alt mode on his back. He wasn’t fun to pose, he was way too top heavy and he was a recalcitrant subject in the photo booth.

I had to stick him in a pretty blah “A” stance or he might have toppled

Transformation to bot mode was easy enough, but converting him back was a pain and stuff didn’t line up very crisply. I put him back in robot mode and, uh, left him there.

The disappointment of Lunar Cruiser Convoy aside… I hurled him out of the cheapo photo box and brought in the love of my life.

“Good Heavens, Miss Sakamoto, you’re beautiful!”

Now THIS is more like it. Realer than the real deal Holyfield.

“Out of the way, youngblood.”

“Optimus did it! He turned the tide!”

A thing of beauty is a joy forever, and this, THIS, my friends, is a joy forever.

“The Bronx is up, but the Battery’s down.”

One guy was fun to pose and a joy to work with… the other was Lunar Cruiser Convoy.

Birth of Double Convoy

I’ll get better at the photography the more I do it and as time / demand permits. I really have to emphasize that I took out some time this morning to do this, and the floppiness of Lunar Convoy took the joy out of my sails. Missing Link Convoy, on the other hand, is better than the beloved toy you remember and is one of the very few reasons why humanity should be allowed to continue on as a species.

Hope you guys enjoyed. There are a lot of cool, weird and primarily old toys here at Casa de Convoy, all hoping for their potential time under the sun.