La Zona Muerta

Happy Fourth to those who celebrate (which would not appear to be me as I’m writing this whilst at work). Not that there’s much to celebrate this year as my country slowly erodes into oblivion.

Cough.

At any rate, before I get started talking about Dynamite (which was a really good show and will be subject to days of ignorant ratings talk as the ratings will be in the toilet due to 4th related travel), I just wanted to say something.

A few years back, I had a confrontation with one of the hacks behind the site… uh… I guess it rhymes with “Zestle Zoy.” And confrontation is too strong of a word; it was a spate of strongly worded tweets that led us to blocking each other, y’know, like MEN. Said hack was RAILING against AEW for not reporting injuries, demanding (!) that they tell us (us meaning him) everything and I took the position of “You are not a media outlet, you are a fan and they don’t owe you a thing.” Words were had and, as I say, we blocked each other and were probably mutually better off for it. Don’t think I don’t think of this every single time the other hack from “Zestle Zoy” asks dumb questions at AEW pressers, tho’. “Hey, Tony! Are you excited for all the success you’ve had in Chicago?”

Anyway, last night on Dynamite, Britt Baker returned and talked about her various injuries, part of paying the price of being a wrestler. Torn labrums, broken this and that…

…but then she pointed out that she also suffered from something a bit more serious; the warning signs of a stroke, or what was basically a mini stroke, called a transient ischemic attack. In other words, for a moment, her brain wasn’t getting the blood, the oxygen it needed to work. She needed to be away, to, in her words, “get right.”

Think about that.

We peddle our rumors, we decide people are unhappy, we play these us vs. them games, weaponizing the health of wrestlers in the eternal battle of WWE vs. everyone else. “Such and such hasn’t been on TV! They must be going to WWE!” We fight on as soldiers in the Wrestling Warz™ and all the while, these are real, actual people, with real, actual problems that deserve the same privacy or respect anyone does. Sure, AEW could be slightly more communicative about when people are hurt or sick or dealing with issues (and let’s face it, it’s not like WWE doesn’t play stuff like concussions and serious issues very close to the vest as well)… but ultimately… IT’S NOT ANY OF OUR FUCKING BUSINESS. If you’re one of the people who was baying at the TV, losing your mind about Britt, demanding to know where she was, DEMANDING that AEW let you know or telling people she was unhappy and leaving or any permutation thereof… sincerely, FUCK YOU.

Boy, that was a “joy” to get off of my chest.

So happy to see Britt Baker back, and hopefully she can save dot us from the mediocrity of Mercedes Moné. At least they embraced Mercedes’ heel turn last night, if nothing else, with a big celebration ad boos rained down (were they because she was from Boston this week?). Remember when they had Britt put over Saraya? Boy, that sure was a choice. Mercedes is going to be annihilated on the mic any time the two get together, so I hope they have some good plans in mind.

All right, on to the good stuff. Dynamite was really strong, both in ring and, ugh… STORY wise. In addition to the above, Bryan Danielson continued his march towards Wembley, Willow Nightingale and Kris Statlander finally had a throwdown (but there’s room for more), Mark Briscoe declared himself to be in Blood and Guts, HOOK was fireballed to death, Hangman Adam Page returned to destroy poor, old Jeff Jarrett and Will Ospreay beat Daniel Garcia, triggering a MUCH NEEDED return to type in the despicable MJF.

Jesus Christ, dude. Drink some water. “Look at the stiration!”

PAC and Danielson had just a terrific opening bout as they fought tooth and nail to advance in the Owen Hart Cup. Danielson is all about selling his various neck injuries, so every match is now about the pain in his neck and numbness in his limbs. A buddy of mine on Bluesky pointed out that this match was everything he wanted out of wrestling and who the Hell am I to disagree? It’s largely all I want, too, two competitors, well matched and conceivably, either could win (although it when have been a bit of a shock if Danielson hadn’t pulled out the victory). The victory was not decisive, basically a matter of catching the other man of guard as they traded submissions and pins; an any given night type thing, which I like. I can’t say PAC is underutilized by AEW as he has had personal issues, travel issues and yes, the dreaded health issues which have prevented him from being more fully integrated into the show, but man, when he’s here… he’s CHOICE. Danielson, of course, is still one of the single best wrestlers on the planet, even if this story is about how he’s fading away as his body gives out.

The return of Hangman Page as the Elite’s “wildcard” in the Owen was also well handled. Jarrett, forever a heel, can always revert to babyface (as my wife sagely and cynically pointed out) by invoking the death of a loved one. Probably sixteen or so years ago, in TNA, Jarrett took a leave of absence due to the passing of his wife. When he came back, he let it be known that he wanted to return as a good guy and I thought that would literally be impossible… but he did it and obviously was received sympathetically by the crowd due to the circumstances. I’m sure he turned again before too long (I think he eventually joined the orange and vile Hulk Hogan a couple years down the line) but he proved to me that there was no heel that was irredeemable if circumstances warranted it, especially when the performer is a guy like Jarrett, someone who, I feel, is criminally underrated. Similarly here, a place where he has never once been portrayed sympathetically, he talked about his very real love and friendship with Owen Hart in a tremendous promo and was suddenly very much a babyface.

Jarrett is a master and knows exactly what he’s doing. Bless him.

So Hangman was MEGA AGGRO and just beat the absolute piss of sympathetic Jarrett. The announcers were BAFFLED. “This is a different Hangman Page! His jaw is clenched!” Jarrett had one tremendous hope spot where he applied the SHARPSHOOTER, obviously the finishing hold of his fallen friend Owen… but Hangman was too strong and beat Jarrett so severely that I was worried we would have my second most hated wrestling finish… BEING DISQUALIFIED FOR KICKING TOO MUCH ASS. We did not, but Hangman administered a beatdown and stormed to the back. The Elite welcomed him with open arms, and he REJECTED them, flat out telling him that he wasn’t their puppet and isn’t there for them.

AEW gets flak for not telling stories. This simply isn’t true. AEW tells a LOT of stories, almost too many to sensibly keep track of by all but the most hardcore fans. Other people get mad about the lack of reinforcement of the stories or sometimes the glacial pace. There’s probably some validity there to both of those things, but people also will get mad when their fantasy booking is or isn’t followed. An AEW podcast I used to listen to would feature the hosts coming up with doomsday scenarios, reacting to them and getting mad as if those were the things playing out on TV! What I’m trying to say is, for all the people who said it made no sense for Page to work with the Elite or who were mad that they blew off the story with Page and Swerve… AEW made you all look like idiots last night. Page was PERFECT like this, a “horse without a stable,” as said on TV, angry at EVERYONE and consumed with winning the tournament so he can challenge his bane, his devil, Swerve Strickland. Will his desire override that of Bryan Danielson’s desire to go out on top?

I have no idea, and that’s EXCITING to me.

The other newsworthy thing was MJF FINALLY reverting to type. After a hard fought match where an overmatched Daniel Garcia tried his best against Will Ospreay, MJF tried to get Garcia to cheat, using MJF’s Dynamite Ring as a foreign object. Garcia refused and whilst waffling about it, got killed by Ospreay. Ospreay did the “put over,” post match, probably one of my least favorite things in wrestling, where he told the crowd to clap for Garcia and encouraged him, etc., and finally left the ring. MJF came in to console Garcia… thought about it, and finally kicked Garcia in the cock. Then he laid Garcia out in a beatdown so severe that Garcia had to do a stretcher job, screaming “Have I restored the feeling?” over and over as the announcers crowed about how they KNEW MJF was not a good guy. If you believe internet dumb dumbs, that means Garcia will be on NXT LVL UP next week, but… c’mon. EVENTUALLY, Ospreay came back out to run off the seemingly unstoppable MJF. It seriously took him like ten minutes to finally come back out.

Should I ‘elp?

THANK GOTCH the MJF babyface experiment is over. “What would it hurt to make him a babyface for awhile?” a small, overly excitable radio host once said. It ended up hurting QUITE A BIT as it turned out. MJF as a face was insufferable, and even as a tweener just isn’t the right type of character. I used to LOVE MJF’s work but it’s now clear to me that he’s too one dimensional to be anything but a scumbag heel… so they may as well embrace it.

So, two heel turns (three if you count HeelHanger), both of which made MUCH more sense than struggling upstream, great wrestling, story movement on a number of fronts… THIS is Dynamite, gang.

Be safe out there this weekend. Love you all.