La Zona Muerta

It’s a tough one this week as I’ve nothing particularly insightful or witty to say in the chamber. Dynamite was pretty darn good for the most part. The in ring action was strong, many stories were advanced… most things were logical… there wasn’t really a lot to sink my teeth into, analysis-wise! The nitpicking I’m about to do is exactly that; nitpicking.

If you’re good and stick around to the end; you’ll get a nice drawing of Konosuke Takeshita, so there’s that. Instead of a thought out column this week, you get a wacky, enumerated list of doom.

DJ CONVOY’S ALL ENCOMPASSING LIST OF PROBLEMS WITH DYNAMITE THIS WEEK:

1. Jon Moxley SEIZED CONTROL OF TBS, but did NOT reinstate Andy Griffith, Movies for Guys who like Movies or the several hour blocks of Warner Brothers cartoons they used to show every day before Cartoon Network became a thing. What’s up with that? UNACCEPTABLE. Actually, not being silly, there was some tremendous stuff here with Darby Allin falling off of things, Claudio Castagnoli swinging Darby into things and Dark Orange Cassidy playing MIND GAMES with Wheeler YUTA. The only thing I could really say that feels off about this is the fact that Mox represents this idea that AEW needs to be destroyed and then rebuilt, presumably into some sort of Fight Club-styled labor camp, but it feels a little isolated from the rest of the show. Not saying I want the AEW FRONTLINE every week (’cause I definitely DON’T) but we should see people milling around in the back, worried about Moxley and his thugs and what they’re going to do. The announcers should sell it with more gravity and less silliness. People should be side eying Renee and asking her what’s up with her old man or maybe be giving her the cold shoulder. Things like that.
2. The split with Kamille and Mercedes Moné seems to be coming REALLY fast. AEW is a place where, for better or worse, the slow burn rules, but man, Kamille loses to Kirs Statlander, Kamille tries to RUN OVER Kris Stat (the less said of which, the better) and now Mercedes is like “carry my bags, oooh, you’re so bad at everything, why do I even bother” while Kamille fumes. Obviously, this is the natural, expected trajectory between a heater and a heel, but it barely feels like they’ve been together more than a couple of months and they are already teasing the split. Your mileage may vary (which like the mileage on the rental truck that Kamille maybe successfully, maybe not hit Kris Stat with). The Mercedes stuff is pretty lame and obnoxious for me, still. No fun, I know.
3. Speaking of no fun… look. I thought that Mina Shirakawa / Harley Cameron backstage skit was DEATH. “LOL TITS!” I think it’s dumb and embarrassing. If YOU enjoyed it, mazel tov! MY LACK OF ENJOYMENT IS NOT A REFLECTION ON YOU. I just think it’s dumb, and a bit more lowbrow than I would prefer. People I like and respect LOVE Harley Cameron and I’m like “This is the kind of shit I hear about when people talk about NXT.” Not my thing. Spooky time with Julia Hart isn’t my thing, either… feels like stuff the other guys do. JUST WRESTLE, WOULD’JA.
4. The Hurt Syndicate got the better of Swerve Strickland… AGAIN. I’m probably on an island on this one but after a TREMENDOUS match with Lio Rush, Swerve looked like a dumb dumb, calling out the Syndicate and then getting somehow SNEAK ATTACKED by the conspicuous by his absence Shelton Benjamin, everyone’s favorite fifty year old. Swerve’s character is depicted as dangerous and cunning. HOW ARE THESE GUYS REPEATEDLY OUTSMARTING HIM? To say nothing of the wily Prince Nana, mind full of schemes and plans, scams and flams. Maybe they need to rebuild the Embassy, but this time with some ACTUAL DUDES AND NOT HOPELESS NO CHANCERS. I’m sick of Swerve getting the shaft over and over, especially when he will presumably lose to BIG BOBBY L at the PPV.
5. I could nitpick other stuff (Takeshita needing the dreaded DYNAMITE DIAMOND RING to overcome Adam “Yellower than you, Baybay” Cole, the length of the Britt Baker / Penelope Ford match which was not horrible, really but brevity is the soul of wit, ladies) and so on, but nah.

As I said, this was a good Dynamite, briskly paced and strong for the most part. One thing about the pacing; On Rampage, they have been doing some stuff where one match flows into another (much in the style of old ECW where maybe a match would break down into a brawl, and the participants of the next match would get caught up in the brawl, leading into the next match and the like), which is especially effective on a short show. This sort of transition (seemingly called the “Heyman Special” by people in my circle of dorks) happened a couple of times last night on Dynamite. It’s a cool way to transition from match to match and to maximize TV time, but if you do it TOO much, I think you run the risk of turning into Crash TV (you know, where everyone is constantly WALKING and nothing has a chance to breathe) so I hope they use this transitional device sparingly or at least when it makes sense. It was utilized well here, I just don’t want it every single time, that’s all.

As promised, to close things out, here is a drawing of the best wrestler in the world for you. Cheers.