La Zona Muerta

I’m sure I’ve written about this before as it seems like the kind of cantankerous, old man thing to do but I was irked this week and then flat out pissed off by something… the seeming need of a certain segment of AEW fandom to dismiss criticism, to be upset when YOU don’t engage with what THEY do.

This week, I had minor skirmishes with those who think the Toni Storm stuff right now is EPIC, LONGTERM STORYTELLING, and they would hear nothing different. “If you don’t like it, you’re close minded, you’ve written it off without giving it a chance.” These people never seem to get that complete acceptance and telling everyone else YOUR head canon is what is on the screen is the EXACT SAME THING as deciding you don’t like it right away. Both sides of the spectrum are working with the same amount of info. We’ll get to the ballad (rock ballad?) of Toni in a bit. That was the thing that irked me.

The thing that outright pissed me off was an internet acquaintance who, after I opined last night that I largely liked a lot of Dynamite, but there was some stuff I didn’t get said:

“Be happy. Please, just be happy.”

This place, this thought dump I’ve created for myself isn’t some heap of false, non-paying toxic negativity like Wr*stl*j*y. This isn’t a two faced shitshow like F*ghtf*l, Mr. Working Man’s best friend one minute, begging for insider access the next. This isn’t the Obs*rv*r, more concerned with business metrics than quality or indeed, morality.

THIS IS LA ZONA MUERTA. THE DEAD ZONE. My opinions are irreverent, often silly or wacky, with some actual thought and analysis weaved throughout. It’s not up to me to tell you which is which; I know the people, LA PUBLICA, the blessed dozens of you who bother reading this crap every week, who follow this one draft stream of consciousness garbo get it.

NEGATIVITY IS NOT EQUAL TO UNHAPPINESS.

I will NEVER just like something because I have to or have been told to. Never, ever. Not once. Either I like something or I don’t and if I do or don’t, I’ll tell you why. There’s no point writing a couple thousand words a week and spewing them out into the electronic ether if they aren’t honest ones. I don’t write this for YOU, I write this for ME, and if you are along for the ride, that’s great. I might perform, but I’m not a performing monkey and I don’t HAVE TO be happy. I don’t have to like something because YOU do or because we need to increase the vibes or whatever excuse. It’s precisely why I hate such brainless epithets as ENJOY ALL WRESTLING. NO. Enjoy the wrestling YOU LIKE. AEW, Dynamite, whatever… it’s a TV show I watch; a hobby. It’s not a fucking ethos. It’s not a way of life. Look, I’ve done my share of crusading for them, for better or worse, largely because they aren’t the opposition and they genuinely do get treated unfairly but they don’t need a soldier; they need civilians. AEW fans who treat the promotion like some sort of twisted “my country right or wrong” situation aren’t much better than those on the Fed side who think RAW should get an Emmy because occasionally they do a tracking shot. It’s fucking grown men (and women) rolling around in tights. GET OVER YOURSELVES.

I’ll tell you what I AM a big fan of; you doing your own critical thinking. There are few things that are flawless in life, and that includes AEW. There are times where I don’t like it very much at all, sad to say. Do I want to love it? Sure! I waste over five hours every week watching it; I’d like to enjoy as much of those five hours as I can… but if you are looking to read the thoughts of someone forcing themselves to like everything, that ain’t me, dawg.

PLEASE BE HAPPY. Like I’m the heroine in a turn of the century novel and the love of my life is waving his handkerchief, slowly fading away, advancing over the horizon via steam train.

CHRIST, BUT THAT PISSED ME OFF.

Anyway, Dynamite was good, but had those dreaded MIXED BAG ELEMENTS. *gasp* Great wrestling but it felt like they were almost… it’s hard to put my finger on it. It felt like they were slightly deemphasizing the Continental Classic, which has largely been the best stuff on the show of late. I realize the CC is not burning up the ratings charts but hey, maybe that’s AEW’s fault for not placing enough emphasis on the tournament in the first place? I dunno, I’m just a jerk who watches the TV every week. I realize that they need to build for the PPV, so there is more than one master to serve…. there’s probably no easy answer, there, in regards to maintaining the balance. Here’s one thing that’s annoyed me the past couple of weeks; Tony Schiavone now goes out of his way to declare things a “CLASSIC DYNAMITE MOMENT” at least once an episode, which is SO WWE brand-y that it makes me want to vom, every time. Hate that. Hate it.

Speaking of HATE, here’s Toni Storm *sigh*. Last week, I happily told you they had shelved the Timeless gimmick for now, and I was very much looking forward to her resurrection, if you will. Well, on Friday, they threw a wrench in that… Toni APPEARS to be an amnesiac, remembering neither her time as Timeless Toni nor her previous run prior to that, something that makes puts up the hackles on the necks of long time wrestling fans. The thing I was talking about at the start of the column was corresponding with some fans who were mad Dave Meltzer didn’t like the angle, because he dismissed it as an “amnesia” angle. “She’s obviously Timeless Toni, PERFORMING A ROLE AS TONI STORM,” they said with confidence, as if that wasn’t a difference of semantics. PRETENDING TO HAVE AMNESIA IS STILL AN AMNESIA ANGLE, CHIEF.

Could be that they are right. Could be that Dave is right. THERE IS EXACTLY AS MUCH EVIDENCE RIGHT NOW FOR IT TO BE EITHER OF THOSE THINGS. This is one of those things where people get up in arms if you don’t like and man… whatever it is, it’s just not for me. I just want to see Toni Storm beat people up. AND THAT’S OKAY. I DON’T HAVE TO LIKE THE DOPEY ANGLE OR YOUR DOPEY HEAD CANON FAN FIC.

On the vile EVERYTHING APP, yet another match between Anna Jay and Mercedes Moné was announced, I think the day of Dynamite (maybe it was Tuesday; I don’t keep track of that any more). I don’t know if they ever EXPLAINED why they were having another match. Was it an Eliminator? Why do it if Anna Jay was just going to fail again? I’m sure there are some, plenty in fact, who think Jay was elevated in having a good TV match with Moné. I’m not among them.

The only other thing that got my goat a bit last night (and last week as well) was teaming up Jay White, Orange Cassidy and Hangman Adam Page against the Death Riders. Oh, not by the match; it was good and an obvious way to heat up the four way match at the PPV. I’m irked by the commentary. “These men have to get on the same page to beat Jon Moxley!” Last week, commentary referred to these guys as TEAM AEW!

What are we even doing here?

It’s a four way match… they are in NO WAY obliged to cooperate with each other. The story being told by the men in ring and in promo (GOD, was Jay White a KING OF MEN last night) doesn’t really seem to sync up with the soundtrack, let’s say. I think that’s a HUGE problem in AEW right now; there’s stuff happening but if we get explanations, they don’t necessarily seem to track with what we are being shown. The Death Riders situation is an excellent example of this. We know that Moxley hates young, complacent wrestlers who aren’t pulling their weight, and he’s mad about it so he wants to blow up the company. What we DON’T KNOW is what he wants to make the company into. Bloodsport? A never ending Fight Club? CZW? Why are they chickenshits sometimes and bad asses other times? Etc., etc., ad nauseum. I think we know for the most part why OC has a problem, why Hanger has a problem (Man, his character is SO compelling right now; just a pure agent of chaos) and why Jay has a problem (I hope this finally heralds him being in the main event scene, not just flirting with it like he is right now) but I’m still not exactly sure what the DR agenda is. They want control of the company. What does that mean, exactly? What does that entail?

Oh, and Death Rider adjacent… the DRs absconded with the contemptible babyface heroes FTR last weekend. It was actually a pretty fun segment, honestly, with a shit eating Wheeler YUTA filming the abduction; we didn’t get to see what happened next, causing a modicum of intrigue. Did the DRs beat them? Convert them? Who knows?

Oh, but we get a morose Dax Harwood and Cash Wheeler moaning about how they got beat up and how they AGREED WITH THE DEATH RIDERS BUT NOW THEY ARE GONNA TELL BIG ADAM COPELAND ON THEM AND GET EVEN, THOSE MEANIES.

Again, what are we even doing here? They AGREE with the DRs? What?

STOP MAKING THE YOUNG TALENT IN AEW OUT TO BE BAD, SOMEHOW. QUIT MAKING THE COMPANY THE HEEL.

Anyway.

My two favorite things on the show… Ricochet came out to say how great he was… and then the Hurt Syndicate came out. Ricochet immediately turned into the little brother, desperate to impress these towering men.

I thought to myself; I’ve seen this before, this seems familiar, and so I had to capture what was in my head. A youth misspent watching Looney Tunes over and over and over nets you the above

FOREVER ENDEARING THE HURT BUSINESS SYNDICATE TO MY HEART, BIG BOBBY LASHLEY GRIPPED THE SYCOPHANTIC DORK AND MVP RIPPED UP HIS BUSINESS CARD FOR BEING A KISS ASS. I was gasping for air from laughing so hard. FOREVER GEEKED.

Later, the GEEKING continued as Rico did his HAW HAW or HOODY HOO or whatever thing it is that he screams now (my brain won’t allow me to repeat it either verbally or via onomatopoeia) in the back… where he got GEEKED AGAIN by the mighty Swerve Strickland, using his SHOOT NAME to indicate what a fucking geek Ricochet is. If you think Ricochet is a WWE dork who came here five years too late, this was the show for you. I hope he gets TRIPLE GEEKED next week by Will Ospreay. STAY OUT OF RIVERDALE.

(A slight negative to all of this; Shelton Benjamin had a match with my beloved Beast Mortos, and as expected, beat him. I don’t like it, but I accept it… but then the Hurt Syndicate beat Mortos down, anyway, post match. THIS IS NOT A GUY YOU SHOULD BE TREATING LIKE THIS! WHY ARE LUCHADORES MERELY STEPPING STONES IN AEW? YOU CAN DRAW MONEY WITH THEM. WHERE THE FUCK IS LFI TO SAVE MORTOS? OR EVEN RODDY STRONG AND THE KINGDOM OF DORKS? Rant over.)

Of course, I can’t let this column wrap without at least a brief mention of Will Ospreay / Darby Allin. Darby is a madman, a lunatic and I have heard from his lips directly that he doesn’t intend to be here forever but GOOD GOTCH ABOVE, he takes some ridiculous risks. He all but tells his opponents to kill him and Ospreay all but obliged. The Coffin Drop to the apron… the Styles Clash to the floor (although watching that back, Ospreay took care of Darby as well as possible)… terrifying stuff. I know they apparently “clear” stuff in the back with agents or whomever but someone needs to take Darby aside and say “listen, bub, if you want to be the face of the company, we want you around for a few more years, limit the breathtaking bumps to one a match” or something along those lines. Just my thoughts.

Anyway, the stuff I liked definitely outweighed the stuff I didn’t. They actually advertised the return of Kenny Omega! WE NEED HIM. I’m a little concerned for post Worlds End, just simply because I don’t really understand the DR angle, what the Elite will look like when they resurface (the Bucks are still the heel EVP personas in NJPW) and I want to see Swerve get heated back up, Jay permanently in the main event scene, where Kenny slots in, some SERIOUS restructuring of the tag team division (and some much needed emphasis), luchadores being used as more than ways to farm wins for the upper mid card, etc.

I’m hopeful that the Hammerstein block of tapings works out well. Totally underwhelmed by ROH Final Battle but again, hopeful, over all.

Always remember, like what you like, to whatever degree you wanna like it, and don’t let anyone tell you that you have to like it any way other than the way YOU want to.