La Zona Muerta

As ever, the AEW discourse rings dumb throughout the endless tubes of the internet. The latest non-controversy controversy is whether the upcoming Australian show was designed to be a pay per view or not and then, on top of that, there is suddenly a LOT of hand wringing that the good folk of Australia aren’t somehow going to be getting what they paid for. Like, hey, chumly. What do YOU care? ARE YOU GOING TO BE IN AUSTRALIA NEXT WEEK, ATTENDING THE SHOW?

G’day.

The controversy surrounding the show previously was somehow AEW making a “mistake,” saying this show would be on TNT and MAX with no other details. Turned out it WASN’T a mistake, it’s just that the details weren’t fully revealed yet… but STILL, AEW IS A SLOPPY SHOP. DON’T THEY KNOW ABOUT ALL STAR WEEKEND?

Turns out they did, and TNT is putting on the Australia show as a special episode of Collison, after the All Star game (or the dunk contest or whatever. Sports and I go together like fishes and bicycles). AEW having a random show be a specially branded, PPV quality special? NEVER HAVE WE SEEN SUCH A SITUATION.

Now, if you want to bag on AEW for not advertising and promoting this thing to the fullest, feel free. I have been complaining about that for months! But I think we need to save the vitriol, the “dunking” (see what I did there) for things that matter.

The question is… did Dynamite GIT GUD after whatever the hell last week was supposed to be? Well, let me get to that in my by now trademark circuitous route.

The new hotness, when AEW TV is clearly flagging, at least according to some corners of the internet, is to put the other show over. Dynamite bad? Well, don’t worry, secretly Collision is the best wrestling on TV!

IT ISN’T. I COULDN’T EVEN GET THROUGH LAST WEEK’S EPISODE. I think I’ve ducked out of the main event of at least two or three episodes in the last month, if not more.

Secretly Collision is “cooking,” as the kids say. It’s can’t miss, don’t miss. No, that Daly’s Place episode was pretty good but Collision often feels vestigial, an obligatory afterthought. It’s the place where Edge gets to cut a two minute promo about how you kids need to get off of his lawn. DON’T YOU CUT THAT PROMO, COPELAND. THAT’S *MY* PROMO. Collision is where Chris Jericho and Dax Harwood have a fifteen minute stinkbomb. Collision is where that shitty 12 man went to die. Collision isn’t secretly good just because it has two Harley Cameron segments instead of one or because Megan Bayne has a two minute squash. I won’t be gaslit; people struggle through that show every weekend, except on the rare occasions where they have an episode that everyone comes together to enjoy. AEW has rarely taken advantage of Collision correctly, from it’s inception and I hate the idea that AEW is in competition with itself. Sometimes Dynamite ain’t good! It happens. Doesn’t mean you have to prop up Collision falsely! Fans seem to have the shortest memories sometimes.

So what does this have to do with the price of tea in China? Which I soon won’t be able to afford?

We don’t need to falsely prop up AEW, especially when they have the ability to put out a good show like they did last night. HOWEVER, that does not automatically free them from the chains of criticism, either. Things can be BETTER, and really, at least the good faith criticism out there… that’s what we WANT. We KNOW AEW is capable of not just having good TV, but literally the BEST TV. So, in the spirit of that…

The Mark Davis turn, while welcome, made zero sense… and that’s speaking as someone who desperately wanted Davis to turn since I was afraid he would get lost in the shuffle after Fletcher DIGIVOLVED into KING FLETCHER. Oh, they knew… they TRIED to cover it up on commentary (I think someone in the back, probably a Will Washington or whomever amongst the 28 people in THE ROOM is continuity cop probably said “hey wait, there was no earned turn, here, this makes no sense”) with Don Callis flat out saying that through skullduggery, Davis’ contract now belonged to him and Davis has to do what Callis says, which could be a tremendous, 80s-style wrestling manager angle… BUT THERE WAS NOT ONE HINT OF THAT IN RING. AT ALL. Davis even TAUNTED THE FANS coming back from break. Were we not supposed to see that? I mean, he removed the turnbuckle to HURT Ospreay… that wasn’t a commercial break gaffe! With just the TINIEST tweak, this would have been great but instead I sat there through the whole match screaming “this doesn’t make sense!” Don tried to sell the idea over and over on comms and even post match, KENNY OMEGA knew the story. It’s too bad Mark Davis didn’t seem to.

The other nitpick I have is less a show problem and more of a fan problem. You have to understand… I hate setting myself apart from “the fans.” I’m no different than anyone kind enough to read this. If I have ANY notoriety, it stems from being a dork you can find usually in the same internet haunts for a long enough period of time to where my screen name generates a “oh, THAT guy” response in your forebrain. Believe me, I’ve legitimately stopped listening to podcasts when the hosts start developing delusions of adequacy and start placing themselves above fans (the late Masters Cast, I’m looking at you. You want REAL grifting? Get into the toy / action figure collecting space where people will say anything as long as they keep getting free toys to review. Also, an anti shout out to the Underbase pod when they were desperate enough starfuckers to be platforming Mike Costa during his infamous “because of the Transformers fans” rant. Yes, I am that petty and I keep receipts from fifteen years ago because I suck)… but it’s really weird how since Dustin Rhodes is the OLD people like, some fans welcome him cutting a “shoot” promo on MJF whereas everyone was HOWLING MAD about the Jeff Jarrett thing. It’s the same thing, guys, maybe just with a touch less misogyny (but give ’em a week and that will probably change when Max mentions Terri Runnels or something. Search your hearts, YOU KNOW IT TO BE TRUE, and won’t you look FOOLISH). I wish fans were more consistent in their gripes, I guess.

Anyway.

All that nitpickery and my long, winding road to saying anything nice makes it look like I didn’t like the show. I did! There was a LOT of story progression, and some VERY good wrestling. I don’t like how they got there, but heel Mark Davis opens up a LOT of tag team possibilities. I didn’t super love the main event finish (Ricochet instinctually put up his hands during a Swerve Stomp, racked Swerve’s nuts purely by accident and took advantage), but it gets them to the next match, presumably a stip match of some sort (c’mon Russian Chain Match). A friend said that since Swerve wears the important Jimmy Rave Embassy Robe during special matches that was gifted to him by Prince Nana, that Ricochet would CUT IT TO PIECES with his golden scissors, but sadly, that did not happen… yet. I was KICKING myself for not thinking of that! Maybe next week, Rico will cut the sleeves off or summat when they have a doppelganger made up. The Mariah May / Toni Storm stuff is so much not for me that it may as well be on a list of things I am diametrically opposed to… but I have to admit TS coming out dressed as Mariah was pretty uncanny. Boy, was Mrs. Convoy irritated. “Two of them?” she snarled. Babe, I feel your pain. Christian’s antics, which I can often take or leave, were DELIGHTFUL and caused us great mirth. Hangman Adam Page showing NO REMORSE for ending Chris Daniels’ career and stalking eternal geek Max Caster through the second half of the show was TREMENDOUS and I actually have MILD ANTICIPATION for when Hanger and MJF finally square off! Not a fan of the Ass Boys Gunn Club Ass Boys, but GODDAMN do I love their theme song and entrance… and I will begrudgingly state it’s good to see some traction happening in the tag team ranks. Also, mega shout out to the guy wearing a Trish and Sarah Podcast t-shirt. Right on!

All in all, a good show and it feels good to say that… but as in all things, it could be even BETTER, and isn’t that what we all want?