La Zona Muerta

I guess we should talk about the AEW releases? Do I have to? It IS my site, after all; no one is holding a gun to my head… that I know of, anyway.

I dunno… this isn’t really a news site and I don’t particularly have any huge, revelatory thoughts you already haven’t heard about the cats who were released or had their contracts expire. Suffice to say that “rumors” abound that one, two or all three men* who were let go had turned down creative at one point or another during their stints in AEW (perhaps multiple times for a couple of them) and you know what? If that’s true… Goodbye. Adios. Auf Wiedersehen. Don’t let the door hit you in the ass.

I have talked about Ricky Starks here before (in fact, just a few weeks ago) but I watched him halfass his way through a match in DEFY over the weekend and, while I’m not going to tell you HE’S BEEN BAD ALL ALONG or anything crazy like that… he most certainly did NOT rise to the occasion. Hope DEFY likes getting their main title back via FedEx. He can enjoy being Osiris von Trill or whatever in the warehouse (more like the Wherehouse, amirite? Guys? Guys?) and he’ll get out EXACTLY what he puts in in WWE. The grass isn’t always greener, all that glitters isn’t gold and glass ceilings aren’t exclusive to just one place.

Also? Malakai Black was a malcontent who tried to fake his way out of the company the SECOND His Master’s Voice called him in 2022 (only to be foiled by a company who tried to help him when he cried mental and physical exhaustion. Oops). Miro THREATENED DAVE MELTZER’S LIFE on a Twitch stream because he was annoyed that Dave DARED to report something about Miro’s no talent hack of an ex-wife. A no talent hack that AEW tried to employ SOLELY to mollify Miro. Get bent, jerk. Your Mickey Mouse Gucci shirt made you look like TOURIST TRASH.

So, on to Tuesday Night Dynamite (they said “Tuesday” so dang much on last week’s TV that I thought they weren’t airing this on Wednesday), I suppose.

It was fine. I saw people saying it was GREAT and I guess how you feel about fifty five and fifty one year old men would probably color that opinion in one direction or another.

I’m gonna level with you, gentle folk of LZM. I’ve NEVER liked this guy

I may as well just get to it while I’m still annoyed… Dustin Rhodes and Maxwell Jacob Friedman had a good match (without bringing wives or women into it, to my surprise… but Dustin did call Max a “bitch,” the usage of which REALLY needs to be retired from AEW TV). Keep in mind that this match is supposed to be sort of a staging thing, setting up MJF and Hangman Adam Page, which has been simmering for the last couple of weeks. (An aside; all of the actual interaction with the two of them has been GREAT, forcing Max to be serious and to not rely on his hackneyed bag of usual fall back tricks. Hangman continues to be the most compelling character on the show despite what they do or don’t do with him.)

Here’s the issue… MJF defeated Rhodes, which is obviously the correct outcome… but in order to PROTECT Rhodes in defeat, Dustin didn’t get pinned or tap out. THE REFEREE CALLED IT OFF. It wasn’t even like Max kicked too much ass and was disqualified or anything… he put Dustin in his arm bar variation and Dustin PASSED OUT, NECESSITATING THE REF TO CALL FOR THE BELL. IT’S A MORAL VICTORY FOR RHODES, who can now brag forever that Max didn’t beat him. Ugggggghhhhhhhhhhhh.

Forgive the outburst of profanity, but why the ABSOLUTE FUCK DID RHODES NEED PROTECTING HERE? HE IS FIFTY FIVE YEARS OLD. HE IS NEARLY TWO TIMES AS OLD AS MJF. MJF shouldn’t have SQUASHED HIM or anything, but MJF is a FORMER HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION AND LIKELY WILL HAVE THE BELT ONE MORE TIME BEFORE HE LEAVES FOR WWE / HOLLYWOOD / BOTH. NO MORE PROTECTING PEOPLE. LET THE PUSHED ACTS (and there is NO ONE pushed more in AEW than MJF) JUST WIN.

Nitpicking? I dunno… maybe… but they also have a fifty one year old who constantly makes mention of the place he used to work challenging in the main event scene. And let’s get to that, too… Edge and “Switch” (how cute… it means Swtichblade Jay White is now so important that he’s allowed to be Edge’s sidekick) stole Marina Shafir’s Jon Moxley’s briefcase that holds the AEW title at the beginning of the show. At the end of the show, Edge came out with a spiked stick and threatened to open Jon Moxley’s briefcase with it. WOW, WHAT A CRISIS. WHAT WILL JON MOXLEY DO. After a couple of blows to the briefcase that predictably failed to open the briefcase… the Death Riders got their case back. THE END.

What are we doing here? This is shit that wouldn’t even close out an episode of RAW from back in Edge’s day. Well… probably.

I really want AEW to focus more on in-ring action, home grown AEW stars and stars from elsewhere that were underutilized who are getting a new coat of paint. Edge is NOT getting a new coat of paint (despite needing one. More than one). He’s just EDGE, no matter what four letter word you name him (you likely wouldn’t like the one I use) with. It’s BORING. He was BORING in WWE during his entire return stint (remember, he ended up in WWE because they were afraid he was going to AEW and he played the companies against each other, which a businessman should do, but NEVER forget AEW was second choice for him), where they thought making him BROOD EDGE, whatever the fuck that means, gave him an extra couple months of life. I mean, they did that in AEW, too! THERE’S NO ALLURE, THERE. He’s BORING in AEW, as well. His big claim to fame so far was getting Malcontent Malakai to do a rare jobski for him. Oh, and also breaking his own leg because he was a big dummy. Who cares? Cut another promo about how Jon Moxley is a kid who should be thanking you because you invented guaranteed contracts and then tell the sheets that you’re “just here to give back.”

I do think the Australia show should be good. As I type this, the world is SOMEHOW JUST FIGURING OUT that there is going to be more than merely the two hours of Collision being taped there. Duh. Some will say it’s because of the outcry from the INCESSANT complaining, but they’ll be wrong and dumb when they do. And it’s not that this particular episode of Dynamite was BAD, not by any means… the last couple weeks of AEW TV have been pretty good for the most part… it’s just that there’s still an awful lot of emphasis on stuff that should MOST DEFINITELY be in AEW’s rearview by now. I want back MY AEW, not this melange of good matches and WWE-lite dinner theatre with a cast of men approaching AARP eligibility.

*Spoiler alert… I can use my status as a fellow with my ear to the ground (yuck, I know how douche-y that sounds but people do tell me things on occasion) to inform you that, according to things I have been told that I genuinely believe it’s all three