La Zona Muerta

I guess whether or not you dug last night’s Dynamite really comes down to how into SHENANIGANS you are. If you’re into FOUR segments with the Hurt Business / MJF, if you’re into GABE KIDD and around 12 other people being involved with a cage match (and it’s aftermath) or not.

I’m not into either of those things so Dynamite fell fairly flat for me. Started off GREAT; the stuff they’re doing with Hangman Adam Page and Will Ospreay hit the “can they coexist” trope VERY hard, but JUST when it was nearly too much… Ospreay nearly smashed Page in the face with his “Hidden Blade” elbow; pausing JUST A MILLISECOND BEFORE THE STRIKE. Obviously that’s an orchestrated thing, they hung there in that pose long enough for “TO BE CONTINUED” in Japanese to appear on the screen and for “Roundabout” to start playing (come see me when this ends up on the next Botchamania), but dammit, it was COOL. “NO STORYTELLING!” screams the strawman I just invented lame anti AEW podcaster. They’re building that match VERY well and I genuinely don’t know which way they’re gonna go with the outcome, which means it’s GOOD. Do I want it to be Hangman who wins and ultimately beats Mox? I think that probably is the best thing from a storytelling aspect, but that isn’t to say Ospreay taking all the marbles (TM Mystery Wrestling) would be a bad thing. We’ll see.

The other thing on the show I largely enjoyed was the slow burn with FTR / Tony Schiavone / Danny Garcia / Nigel McGuinness (go to the finish). Stokely (Strokely) Hathaway came out to berate and “punish” Tony and Nigel by challenging Nigel to get back in the ring. Nigel was reluctant, but young Garcia IMPLORED Nigel to help him. You know, I keep seeing how Garcia has nothing to do and some folks even seem to think he should have went to the warehouse in Orlando… but I see him being on TV every week and interacting with FTR who went from being a dead act to deadly and interesting ever since they turned on the foul and vile EDGE. At any rate, FTR came out and bushwhacked Nigel and Danny, leading to DADDY MAGIC MATT MENARD to make the save, that beautiful, shirtless man. Hear me out on this one… I think Danny is gonna turn and JOIN FTR. I know, I know, that sounds like a disgusting, pointless Vince Russo style swerve… but I feel it. I feel it down in that part of my heart that says “HERE’S THE THING ABOUT WREST-EL-LING, BRO.” Watch this space. Also? FT GARRRRRRRRR. IT’S RIGHT THERE.

The rest of the show…? The match between Ricochet and Zach Gowen was fine, even good. I was always impressed by Gowen’s athletic ability, even over twenty years ago in the other place. I don’t really need to SEE him over and over or anything; as a one off, this was fine. Honestly, I was disappointed that the FABU-LEG (TM Mr. Show) didn’t come into play more but thinking critically, that’s probably a REALLY expensive, carefully calibrated device. Shoulda made a fake one and gimmicked the FUCK out of it. I wanted a bloodbath, dammit!

I guess Mina Shirakawa is All Elite, now. She must not have made much of an impression in her match since literally all anyone could talk about was the fact that she had a different entrance theme… a theme SO DESPISED THAT IT WAS CHANGED BACK TO HER ORIGINAL THEME BY THE END OF THE MATCH WHEN SHE WON. This overshadowed the fact that she defeated Toni Storm in a four way match! Like, AEW capitulated IMMEDIATELY on this and there were still people whining and raging about it, even today! Sigh. Anti-shout out to the dorks who went after friend of the blog MIKEY RUKUS (well, I assume he’s a friend; he follows me on Bluesky, likes my art and we have occasionally talked about NON wrestling, so that’s a friend in MY book) who

1) didn’t make the new theme and

2) has no control over who’s theme gets played when. THEY SWITCHED IT BACK. ENOUGH.

So, anyway, the show came screeching to a halt when there was a backstage segment with Maxwell Jacob Friedman talking about the Hurt Business, a crummy squash match featuring the Hurt Business and perennial punching bags Top Flight (two dudes who should be slotted a LOT higher in the general AEW pecking order), and then yet another promo with the Hurt Business that crossed over TWO SEGMENTS and ended up involving Cru (Lio Rush and Action Andretti; that’s fine but I’m sick of these young guys getting squashed) and the Sons of Texas (Dustin Rhodes and Sammy Guevara, which is less fine, but at least Dustin won’t let himself be eaten up on the mic). Long (VERY long) story short; the Business ACCEPTED MJF into their ranks… thereby putting an end to this awful will they / won’t they nonsense. Except it’s NOT over because there’s a MJF / Hurt Business CONTRACT SIGNING next week, and there was even yet ANOTHER segment featuring MVP, MJF and corrupt lawyer “Smart” Mark Sterling. JESUS GOD, END THIS. It’s taking up SO much bandwidth, and something I thought that started out VERY intriguing has been stretched as thin as a piece of spent bubble gum. Meanwhile, you have Bobby Lashley and Shelton Benjamin giving their opponents NOTHING in their quest to AVOID THE JAY OH BEE, and MVP giving his “opponents” NOTHING on the mic as he interrupts and goes into business for himself. I’m just going to say it; this act is CANCEROUS and I’m surprised more people haven’t taken note of it. In a year, it’s gonna be a Miro / Malakai Black situation ALL OVER AGAIN. Count on it.

Speaking of being stretched thinner than some flavorless Hubba Bubba… we had your main event… a perfectly acceptable cage match between Jon Moxley and Samoa Joe. Obviously Joe wasn’t going to win, but such is his presence, his aura, that you can gas him up for a month or two and make him a credible heavyweight title contender pretty much whenever you want. That’s not my issue, here. My issue was more the SHENANIGANS with Gabe Kidd, of all people, slipping Moxley his cherished Haliburton (TM Mongo McMichael) to secure the win over Joe. Interference in a cage match…? I mean, there’s precedent in AEW for this. It’s an eye roll… but it’s also the thing that’s infected New Japan Pro Wrestling to the point that I’m having a VERY difficult time maintaining interest in that venerable organization and Kidd’s edgelord bullshit is something I don’t care for there or here. On the subject of Kidd, while I’m here, a podcaster I like recently said that Kidd has toned down the overtly obnoxious part of his ugly foreigner gimmick and gone from an intolerable 11 to a more acceptable 8 or 9 on the edgelord scale. My immediate response was “has he?” Screaming “watashi wa Shin Nihon” over and over again isn’t good character work or the summation of a carefully crafted story; it’s Weeaboo Mad Libs for the Google Translate age. I don’t like his character OR his work and I’m puzzled that ANYONE else does. Meanwhile, everyone is falling over themselves to ask if he’s signed with AEW and it’s like… guys… it’s Best of the Super Juniors time over in Nihonland. RELAX. Maybe I should take my own advice.

The end result of all the post match chaos (including a ROUGH night for my little emo boy Wheeler YUTA; V-Triggered by Kenny Omega, spinebustered through a table by Will Hobbs) was an Anarchy in the Arena Match with The Death Riders (and Kidd, presumably) and / or the Elite against Swerve Strickland, Joe, Kenny, Willow Nightingale and Hobbs. I’m not real big on the ends justifying the means… we all figured A in the A was coming and was going to be a bit of a placeholder to stretch us until All In… but the announcement doesn’t excite me. The stip doesn’t lead to good TV wrestling, in my opinion. Gee, maybe they’ll play Chaka Khan’s “Ain’t Nobody” on a loop, huh? Since all that matters is entrance music.

Sigh.

It surely wasn’t as bad as my tone is making it sound; Anarchy will be fine, Ospreay vs. Hanger will be INCREDIBLE, regardless of the outcome. They are laying the groundwork for Kenny and Kazuchika Okada. While I don’t want to see FTR vs a reunited Edge and Christian, which is presumably where we are going, the FTR heel turn has been fun. There’s a LOT of good stuff going on right now… it’s just that this particular Dyanamite didn’t blow up my skirt.

Finally, I’d like to give a big, ORANGE shout out and a big orange hug to Taz and his moving tribute to Sabu.