La Zona Muerta

Another back to back Dynamite / Collision double header this week, due to, I dunno, sports of some kind. Hockey-ball or summat. It was probably for the best… while there was some stuff I REALLY liked on Dyna… the lack of actual, in-ring wrestling content left me fairly cold… but Collision… a show that the record will show I don’t always love, 100% delivered with hot grappling action. Honestly, it was largely hot LUCHA action… and man, nothing buoys the spirit like luchadores throwing themselves at each other. After last night, I’m suitably hyped for Double or Nothing.

I did something I don’t typically do this week… before I wrote this screed, I listened to one of the two or three Dynamite reviewers that I actually like / trust… partially in search of never ending content to ease my work day but also to see if I was being sour on Dynamite for no good reason. I typically don’t do this as I want to come in fresh when I write these without anyone else’s thoughts cluttering up my own, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was being a grump re: Dynamite. The reviewer I listened to seemed to be okay with it (although he did note it was only a three match show), but had a big problem with Dynamite’s opening segment, which was what *I* thought was a TREMENDOUS go home promo between Hangman Adam Page and Will Ospreay. Ospreay tried to dial back the arrogance a bit and tell Hangman why he felt HE should be the one to go on to dethrone Jon Moxley and said something that would lead me to think he’s winning… the fact that he’s never defeated Moxley before and that he needs to learn how by beating Hangman (a sort of ‘I eat your heart, I gain your power’ type thing). But then, Hangman gave the classic babyface “I don’t WANT to beat you, Rock win, I NEED to beat you, Rock win” type promo… and then I was like “well, now Hangman HAS to win.” Friends, it’s a fucking coin flip at this point. I genuinely don’t know what way they’re going here. I know some people are upset, preemptively mad that Hangman will have his knees cut out from under him yet again and all that, but my crystal ball is hazy, here. I DON’T KNOW WHO WILL WIN. My preference would be Hangman, but that preference is slight and I know the match will be a BIG DEAL, so I’m genuinely content either way. You also have people mad that Darby Allin SURVIVED EVEREST (!) and will presumably coming back, so they think that NEITHER of these dudes will beat Moxley and it’s like… look. I get mad at AEW, too. I mean, I keep a fucking chronological record of it RIGHT HERE AT THIS VERY BLOG but getting mad for these reasons… lord. It ain’t healthy, chief. I GET IT, YOU WANT HANGMAN TO WIN AND NOTHING ELSE WILL DO. We’ll see that happens.

At any rate, the reviewer opined that Hangman and Will shouted at each other too much and sure, I guess there was an element of that. The promo segment also went pretty long… but I genuinely thought it was great work by both men, laying out their motivations very, VERY clearly. There’s lots of ways that this could go, so many stories to be told (imagine that, the company that allegedly doesn’t tell stories and yet they have this INCREDIBLY VIBRANT storytelling engine in place. Strange, that) and then you have the possibilities of the physical match itself. Two dudes that don’t mind beating the SHIT out of an opponent to bring their craft to the next level. I would have bought this show strictly for this match. Even if they have a merely “okay” match by their standards, it will still be undoubtedly the match of the week from any company.

Stunningly, the other match I’m hyped for, particularly after Collision, is FTR / Daniel Garcia and Nigel McGuinness. FTR genuinely had go away heat for the longest time with me… there were times where they were main eventing Collision and I simply shut the show off, so great was my antipathy for them. But now? FTR are the kind of heels that come out, go to shake hands with a kid and shaft him. They’re the kind of heels that come out with a despicable manager who wears a sweatsuit that looks like an early 90s Taco Bell barfed the Jazz design aesthetic all over him. They pick on announcers, they bitch about fines and poll the crowd disingenuously. They’re ripping up signs, they’re giving looks to the crowd or to camera as if to say “did I do that?”

They are finally the 80s heels they have been emulating for all of these years and THEY HAVE NEVER BEEN BETTER.

Then you have the conflicted, righteous Nigel McGuinness looking to defend his broadcast colleague Tony Schiavone and you have young Danny Garcia who feels betrayed by FTR. Speaking of betrayed… I would keep at least one eye open during that match… Garcia was SO INSISTENT that McGuinness join him (as opposed to his mentor Matt “Danny Magic” Menard) that I can not help but feel HE’S GONNA TURN, TURN, TURN, and frankly… he could use the fresh coat of paint. It’s the first time I’ve looked forward to an FTR match in LITERAL YEARS.

The other big match, of course, is going to be… sigh… Anarchy in the Arena. I gotta admit… I don’t love these matches. They’re hard to follow and while they often have a lot of clever spots… they also have just as many CONTRIVED spots or feature cats just standing around to wait until the next contraption is set up. Excalibur did say something that I don’t think anyone else picked up on… Dynamite went off the air with a mini A in the A (love calling it that; it sounds naughty) preview with all of the principals running around inflicting various attacks upon each other and he yelled (in his inimitable Excalibur fashion) that “this won’t just be Anarchy in the Arena… it will be Anarchy in the Desert!” and that, coupled with the idea that Hanger and Ospreay will be the main event would lead me to think this may be a partial outside pretaped situation, which honestly, I would welcome as a change of pace. The missus and I decided to mainline the previous Anarchies (and the Stadium Stampedes that begat them) all in a row. The first couple were cute enough. By last year’s, it just largely feels like “who’s theme song will play the whole time” is the most important thing that anyone cares about. They’re all shot badly and hard to follow, even the largely pretaped ones. This year, you are going to have twelve (!) people to follow… that’s a big ask, in my opinion. While they have interwoven the players, the motivations, the rivalries VERY well, they actually build to the match has been good, that means that the Young Bucks and Swerve Strickland will have to have time carved out for a cute little moment, Samoa Joe and Mox will have to have a little, special spot… Kenny will have to kill, I dunno, YUTA or something (okay, maybe he helps Swerve hellmurder the Bucks), Willow Nightingale and Marina Shafir will do something crazy that has a certain portion of the internet up in arms, etc., etc., etc. Then you have Gabe Kidd (ugh) who ISN’T EVEN IN THE MATCH but then they reminded us that he will be lurking about… so presumably someone shows up to counter him (Kota “my boyfriend’s back and you’re gonna be in trouble” Ibushi? Eddie “can o’ gasoline” Kingston? Just HOOK? Someone from NJPW to paddle Kidd’s edgy boy behind like Tomohiro Ishii?), so that’s another couple of bodies to worry about. ‘S LOT of moving parts and… I don’t think they always stick the landing on these. Very much a “change my mind” type deal.

As for Dynamite as a show? It really felt derailed YET AGAIN by an overly long, overly BORING Maxwell Jacob Friedman / Hurt Business segment. We ALREADY KNOW MJF was given the literal thumbs up to join their group last week, but they teased Bobby Lashley again turning MJF down. ENOUGH. Meanwhile, Max and MVP were having a cheap heat-off with the crowd (the apparently fat, poor, no sports team having, ugly crowd). This was DEATH TV and they teased it out so long I thought there was going to be a swerve and, you know, Cedric Alexander or whomever was going to come out and say that HE had signed as the fourth member. Instead, we got Goldust Dustin Rhodes and the geeked into perpetuity alleged “pillar,” Sammy Guevara and another long, boring, fucking INTERMINABLE promo where Rhodes demanded respect as being one half of the ROH tag champs. The Dynamite review I listened to concentrated on how the ROH tag titles mean nothing, which, yeah, fair enough, that’s true… but the REAL issue here was Dustin rambling on and on about being old and respect and blah, blah, blah WHO CARES. Here’s the promo you cut on the Hurt Business. “You like to hurt people? Well, here I am.” THERE, DONE. Three seconds to say what took Dustin three minutes.

What Dyanamite lacked in action, Collision made up for. So much fun stuff with the Don Callis Family (the BEST act in wrestling right now, for real), a big dose of help from CMLL, some great, fun stuff with Komander and RUSH and even the mot always great Dralistico. CMLL lent Los Depredadores (Volador’s rudo faction) and the hot babyface trio of Mascara Dorada, Mistico and MY BELOVED, THE GREAT TEMPLARIO.

I WILL WRITE THE CANTERBURY TALES TWO FOR YOU, MY SWEET TEMPLARIO

Ahem. Excuse me.

Honestly, Templario didn’t get to do much, despite my burning lucha love. They wanted to showcase Mistico as kind of the greatest luchadore (which he certainly IS one of the greats, so I get it), a pillar of Mexican Lucha Libre, but he’s hurt, he’s a little heavy right now… he did fine but he’s not the Mistico I’m used to from my old days of CMLL fandom. Give that cat some time to rest and heal, please. The young, new Mascara Dorada really got to shine and Los Depredadores are a fun act, especially with the ever sketchy Volador as their maestro. My only dawning, lurking worry was the new TRIP-LEY AH salivating as they start writing blank checks to woo the guys who make Arena Mexico sing every week.

Before I sign out here, I also wanted to shout out an act I didn’t expect to be putting over… the Grizzled Young Vets. I was SO HAPPY when they left WWE (remember, they left, they weren’t canned) and they made a pact to stick together and get better at their craft, here in America. They got a spot in AEW…

…and they completely failed to impress, almost immediately being exiled to what I would presume would be per date appearances in ROH. They’ve done NOTHING in AEW and honestly, they only had themselves to blame. I was talking with a friend and pointed out that I suspect they were given the slot that the Motor City Machine Guns were supposed to take and just fizzled in that first night with the Bucks. Tony Khan shrugged and shuffled them off.

But last night? They looked GREAT, and not just because they were in there with Roderick Strong (one of the most underrated, under heralded guys going today) and Kyle O’Reilly. They treated this like it was tryout number two and showed that they really are a tremendous tag team capable of FAR more than we’ve seen of them on AEW (or ROH) TV. I’m happy for them and hope this cements them as a TV act going forward.

So there you are… some half assed thoughts about Dyna and Collision and a half assed Double or Nothing preview equalling, I dunno, one whole ass, I suppose. Assuming that we get to see the DEAN~! show I’ll probably have something to say about that as well as DoN on Monday so look forward to that. In the meantime (in between time), I’ll be here finishing out my work day and lusting after Templario.