La Zona Muerta

I dreamt I had invited Tetsuya Naito over to my apartment and was feeding him Golden Grahams… and he was really, REALLY impressed (with the Grahams, not me and my apartment). “SUGOI!”

NO, I don’t know what that means.

Dynamite (and Collison) did NOT emanate from Seattle, Washington as they said no less than six billion times… it aired from Kent, miles outside of Seattle, a small, sleepy place…

…and they ran there twice in the space of a week to a disappointing crowd each time. I REALLY don’t get their road schedule sometimes.

I had friends and acquaintances in the crowd and they SWEAR the crowd was wild and alive for everything and, frankly… it didn’t come across on TV like that at ALL. There was stuff on Dynamite where I was SCREAMING AT THE TV LIKE AN ASSHOLE, telling the crowd to FUCKING REACT and… yeah, I dunno. Obviously Seattle (or in this case, Seattle adjacent) crowds are known for, uh… vociferousness, but I just didn’t feel it (or see it), here. Of course, you had the main event of a long taping, the main event of Collision, which was Kyle O’Reilly versus Kyle Fletcher in a hard hitting match that I was assured I had to see to believe because of the crowd reaction…

…said reaction being a bored crowd going into business for itself and just saying “Kyle” over and over. “Both these Kyles.” “Kyle forever.” “Holy Kyle.” “We KYLE people.” Over and over, ad nauseam, ad infinitum. That wasn’t crowd heat, that wasn’t people enjoying a hard hitting match… IT WAS A BUNCH OF BORED IDIOTS TRYING TO HIJACK THE SHOW. HA HA, WE SAID KYLE OR WHATEVER.

So yeah, I was a bit down on the crowd reaction.

Overall both shows were fine, even good. Dynamite definitely had some All In progression, Collision even had a little bit, too. There’s definitely some silliness to talk about. Let’s start with my beloved Christopher Daniels, possibly the worst on screen wrestler turned authority figure ever, impotently snapping his fingers at Mercedes Moné and Toni Storm to get them to stop brawling. He should have tried turning the lights off and on repeatedly or perhaps spraying them with a water bottle. STOP IT! BAD KITTY! GET DOWN FROM THERE!

As for the match itself or the lead up to it… I dunno. A lot of people are excited for it and that’s fine. I think Moné’s presence in particular is damaging… just so WWE coded and repetitive (to the point of near comedy) and lame (which sucks because when I used to watch WWE, I liked Sasha Banks just fine, probably second best out of the supposed Horsewomen except for her seeming ability to injure… well, not others but often herself). They’re turning up the physicality… Moné attacking Storm in the back and the like (and how worthless is Luther? Get in there and protect your mistress, you clod) so that’s a fairly typical progression of events… but then you have these meandering promos about tits and eating steak and… I don’t get it. People whom I like and respect ENJOY the homoerotic overtones of Toni’s character in particular, enjoy Toni’s over the top shenanigans. “IT’S NOT FOR YOU, DUDES” one of them said quite passionately semi recently on a podcast in regards to Toni’s erotic overtures. You’re right, it’s NOT for me but I’m still allowed to think that the overtly sexual stuff is a little out of place, a little creepy and even if ladies are enjoying it (the lady in MY life certainly doesn’t), I’m sorry, I DO think it’s there, at least somewhat, to inflame the male gaze. I feel often on an island in my seemingly rare ability to separate wrestling from HORNY SEXY TIME. If I wanted titillation, wrestling is not what I would watch! Call me prude, but I’d rather have more hard hitting action than Toni Storm sniffing girls and talking about her “tits” and “snatch,” a DIRECT, NON CENSORED TERM she used last night. I suppose to some, that might be an example of some sort of female empowerment… to me it’s an example of trying to push the envelope just that one tiny bit further, one that makes me a bit uncomfortable. It’s not for me and honestly, drags me out of the show a bit. I mean, Mark Briscoe talking about Maxwell Jacob Friedman’s little pickle isn’t really for me, either, but I’m also not a twelve year old. Mostly.

YANO SHRUG DOT GIF. Let’s move on.

We finally had Will Ospreay and Swerve Strickland declare that they want the Young Bucks at All In. Cool, should make for a helluva ma- oh. There’s also a stip. For some reason. Apparently (and there was an argument in my circles later as to what this meant, exactly) even though the good guys put up NO STAKES WHATSOEVER, the Bucks’ EVP titles are now on the line. Hell, write up some contractual language and stick their EVP status ON A POLE. Why not? The argument some friends and I had was whether the EVP status was TRANSFERRABLE or not. I took it to mean that Ospreay and Swerve could become EVPs if they win… some others said that was clearly not the case. Was it clear? I dunno. I do find it funny that Swerve and Ospreay were like “you’ve been abusing your power for too long” when really, they haven’t done all that much. They made them have their match early? So what. All their REAL evil doing, firing people and the like has been long undone. I enjoy the Bucks, but it’s definitely time to do something else with them.

Kota Ibushi made his long awaited (by some) return and looked… fine? against Trent Baretta. Listen, I already ranted WAY MORE than I anticipated about Toni and Mercedes and their sexy time flirting lead up to their match… so I don’t know if I really want to blather about the beautiful himbo TOO much but…

I loved Kota Ibushi, once. First time I saw him was battling an apartment CHOCK FULL OF PERVERTS in DDT circa, I dunno, 2006 or so. What a wild guy! A savage striker, lithe, willing to do insane flippy dos, willing to drop himself on his head in a SNAP… he was great. And then he started doing shots for New Japan Pro Wrestling. You think YOU love guys like Hiroshi Tanahashi and Shinsuke Nakamura? Kota’s got you beat. He REVERES those dudes, possibly in the most literal sense of the word. They would put Kota in G1s and other tournaments… but obviously, since he was a freelancer, they would only let him get so far.

Then, he signed with New Japan full time… they finally made him an offer he couldn’t refuse…

And the wheels began to fall off.

Obviously, since he was now signed with the company, they were gonna finally strap the rocket to his back. And they put him over EVERYBODY. Which sure, that’s what you should do when you’re rocket packing a new champ. He put on a LOT of muscle mass to denote the transition to heavyweight, and that’s no crime, of course, but it slowed him down some. And then the pandemic hit and he got hurt, real bad, a TERRIBLE injury to his shoulder. And then the REAL strangeness began… where he complained about power harassment (not cool, obviously) from New Japan’s office. And then it turned into vague allegations of New Japan’s Yakuza involvement (!!!) and threats against Ibushi’s mother (!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and probably other strange stuff I’m forgetting. It was like a breakdown in real time. Unpleasant.

He came into AEW, presumably at the behest of Kenny Omega and had a couple of fairly woeful outings. It’s like… okay, the guy is probably pushing himself too hard, he’s not fully healed, even if he believes he is. ALL WRESTLERS DO THIS. But then, in February of 2024…

…he wrestled a terrible, DANGEROUS (both to himself and his opponent) match with Naomichi Marufuji in Pro Wrestling NOAH. On two busted ankles (one pre match, one during), overweight with whatever he does to himself to have that muscular frame. This was not some sort of “oh, look at what a great man he is, playing through the pain” type situation. HE ENDANGERED MARUFUJI. FULL STOP. He certainly endangered himself. All because he was prideful, couldn’t say no, couldn’t stop the match, needed that comeback match to show he wasn’t “washed.” Obviously everyone has to shoulder some blame there for allowing that debacle to hit the ring (and letting it drag on for 33 tortuous minutes), Maru, the promoters, the management, EVERYONE, but Ibushi openly talks about how he doesn’t believe in doctors and will live to the ripe, old age of two hundred through the power of his *chuckle* mind.

No thoughts. We’re talking ZERO, here

I WANT this dude to be happy, be healthy. I have no idea if he should be wrestling (I suspect the answer there is ‘no’). I’m not excited to see him back in AEW and frankly, I’m not sure they should be wasting one of Kazuchika Okada’s limited dates on him, even if that match makes plenty sense in storyline (Kenny has no friends left… but he DOES have a Lover, etc.). I have no idea if he is truly in a relationship with Kenny Omega or not (I suspect they are just close friends, but BOY do a LOT of people want to give Ibushi a pass because they love Kenny). I will fully cop to not being an impartial judge on whether Ibushi should be back. Look, if he has fully healed… somehow… then great, what an asset AEW has back on the table… but let’s just say I’m skeptical and leave it there. All that being said, I guess the match with Trent was okay.

All of this bitching sounds like I was down on these shows… I wasn’t. I am MOST DEFINITELY a heel digger, but I can not say enough how much Ricochet has won me over with his grubby little wormy heel character. IT’S FANTASTIC TO SEE. Speaking of Okada, he had just the BRIEFEST little staredown with Konosuke Takeshita backstage where Takeshita growled that their alliance was merely TEMPORARY, and I got fucking GOOSEBUMPS. Rocky Romero is doing great heel work as part of the Don Callis Family (still the best act on TV, face or heel). Templario (mi amor) and Hechicero got to have a LOT of TV time on Collision. Hangman Adam Page is rightfully ascending to be the top man in the company. AEW is a place where you can watch Mark Briscoe, Bandido, Takeshita and Roderick Strong ANNIHILATE each other for YOUR amusement. STUFF IS GOOD. There’s just some stuff that isn’t quite hitting for me, and that’s to be expected.

I haven’t convinced her to write something for the blog yet, but Mrs. Convoy, who loves Taz (for the most part) and dislikes Ian Riccaboni (for whatever reason) spent Collision last night drawing the following. Apologies to the people who have generated the little Botchamania caricatures over the years:

No rap for YOU, Sonny Jim

I cackled and howled, both in real time when Taz decided to CLOSE DOWN the “Riccabone Zone,” and when she shared this with me; hopefully you got a kick out of it, too. (Obligatory statement, Ian is a lovely fella in real life and a rare nice guy in wrestling, to boot)