La Zona Muerta

Approaching this a little different than usual this week. Normally, I like to think I’m fairly thick skinned, but last night after Dynamite, someone who I thought I was cool with kept attacking me over hating the finish to the main event. Like, maybe they had a bad day, I dunno… but I was told that:

I assume what someone in THE REZNOR CAMP did here for the SUCK single was blow up a panel from either Howard Chaykin’s American Flagg or, more likely, Chaykin’s Black Kiss, and maybe futzed with it a little, so what you have here is a copy of a copy, I suppose, filtered through my bemusement

Forgive the crudity (and maybe the wee dram of misogyny?), but it felt appropriate.

Look, my opinions may, in fact, SUCK. I make no guarantees to the contrary… but I can promise you that my opinions are always MINE. I’m never, EVER going to say something to chase clout, to jump on a bandwagon, anything like that. Frankly, I write for ME, so if you think my opinions SUCK, that’s okay. Hopefully I write in an entertaining enough fashion that you go along for the ride… but regardless of my relative SUCKITUDE, I can only say what I think.

Anyway.

The main event of Dynamite saw new, serious Mark Briscoe battle old, edgy Maxwell Jacob Friedman in a bloody brawl. Keep in mind that Briscoe is now serious because Max MENTIONS JAY BRISCOE EVERY SINGLE WEEK. The match was pretty good… I don’t know that Max has really had a GREAT match in the last few months, although I did not see his work with Averno last week… but the finish was STINKY. MJF took out Briscoe with the heat seeker (the DDT with the thighs thing) and rolled him up in the ropes. Referee Bryce Remsburg had to CLEARLY REPOSITION HIMSELF SINCE HE COULD SEE MARK’S FOOT WAS ON THE ROPE and counted three as Excalibur howled “THE REFEREE’S DECISION IS FINAL!”

Is it?

Max then got his heat back (although he had won) by bloodying Mark with the Dynamite Dynamite Ring (sigh). Hangman Adam Page came out to make the save. They had a brawl with a pull apart. The show awkwardly went off the air.

What warranted me being told that MY OPINIONS SUCK was opining that they could have done the heat segment, the brawl with the pull apart… all of that… and had MARK BRISCOE WIN, thereby casting doubt on who the real number one contender will be (they even set that up early in the night with a Page / Briscoe segment), elevating Mark Briscoe into something more than a pin eater to the stars… and NONE OF THAT WOULD HAVE HURT MAX A LICK. He has like FOUR feuds going on right now and his feud with Mark HAS to end with Mark getting his had raised AT SOME POINT since Max, again, INVOKED THE NAME OF MARK’S DEAD BROTHER. OVER AND OVER. Yes, of course, the foot on the rope can / probably will set up another match down the road but I have NO CONFIDENCE that Mark will win it. I mean, we’re still waiting for that apuestas match with Mistico! *cough*

I don’t think wanting Mark to win is a crazy opinion; it’s certainly one I wasn’t alone on. I dunno. Maybe I want to see a good guy win on occasion, particularly when he’s the EXTREMELY aggrieved party. MJF is TEFLON, he can bear a loss, especially when Briscoe would have benefited from the win and the main event scene could have become more interesting. Ah, well.

Now that my credentials in regards to SUCKING have been firmly established, let’s talk about someone else who SUCKS; MVP.

It came out this week, from someone whom I consider an IMPECCABLE source, someone I’ve talked to about various trials and travails in both WWE and AEW for YEARS… that MVP appears to have a LOT of heat in the back. Why?

Do you READ this blog? I have been writing about it pretty much since the Hurt Syndicate showed up. The only guy in the group willing to do “business” appears to be Shelton Benjamin… and even then I’m not super sure about that… and most AEW fans are too busy chanting “WE HURT PEOPLE” to notice. A lot, I mean a LOT of AEW hardliners dismissed the rumors of MVP having heat as a WWE PSY OP attacking the company. Huh? This has been going on for MONTHS. The new wrinkle in the latest round of rumors was that apparently MVP doesn’t like Speedball Mike Bailey. Hey, maybe MVP and I have common ground, after all! Maybe MVP just hates dirty, bare feet.

Anyway, everyone rushed to dismiss the rumors of MVP heat as baseless even though the signs have been there for MONTHS and the rumors has been spreading, multiply sourced and NOT put out there to hurt AEW.

And then Dynamite began with Jon Moxley DEMANDING to fight a wrestler… the aforementioned Speedball Mike Bailey. In one of the most blatant shots at ANYONE I have ever seen on wrestling TV, Mox wrestled Bailey, gave him an absolute TON and even though Moxley won, it was a fucking CLINIC in how a top of the card guy puts a mid card guy over. Like, it couldn’t have been more blatant of a shot if Mox looked at the camera and said “MVP, this is how you do business.”

I have given Moxley a lot of shit over the years; I absolutely hated his stints in New Japan Pro Wrestling, especially his IWGP title “run,” I hated the first half of the Death Riders storyline where he and the DRs ATE EVERYONE ALIVE… but when he wants to put someone over, he fucking DOES it. The other veterans in the back could learn something from that.

During all this, Darby Allin ABDUCTED Wheeler YUTA, did something unspeakable to him (ooh er, missus), BODYBAGGED him and placed a sign on young YUTA’s head that said simply “FORBIDDEN DOOR.” Marina Shafir, bless her evil heart, stared at the sign in complete bafflement. WHAT COULD IT MEAN. So, there you go. Allin / Mox at Forbidden Door, in front of 16,000 screaming UKers.

At some point, the highly homosexually charged Don Callis came to the ring with THE FAMILY in tow and a new painting to display. This always goes well! All I can say is this may have been my favorite segment on Dynamite all year. Don always has a bit of a predatory vibe, going back to his days on New Japan commentary, fawning over Kenny Omega and Kota Ibushi for instance, but man, with Kyle Fletcher? He RATCHETS it up a TON, and it’s delightful. “DO YOU WANT IT? DO YOU WANT TO SEE IT? I’LL TAKE IT OFF!” he thundered as he showed a delighted Kyle the new painting (allegedly created by Don himself); a jacked, nude Fletcher with his cock hidden only by the TNT title hanging out with his equally shirtless, equally jacked buddy Don Callis. FANTASTIC. We HOWLED AND HOWLED. Kyle promised to defend the TNT title on Collision (which airs on TNT, so all is finally right in the world).

The other BEYOND tremendous segment on the show was the disrespected Young Bucks threatening the production staff and dumb Justin Roberts to restore their entrance. Of course, they did not, and the Bucks came out with a chyron reading MAX AND JEREMY as Roberts read a note the Bucks slipped him verbatim, as per their request. Unfortunately the note was simply threatening Roberts, so instead of introducing them, he did what they asked and read their threats VERBATIM. This was all tremendous stuff, and then the Bucks had a terrific PWG offer match with Bandido and Brody King (I refuse to use the other term). It’s VERY clear the Bucks have found whatever it was they were missing and are just having FUN again, and unlike some people, they don’t have any qualms in laying down and putting people over. My ONLY nitpick is the Bucks of 2015, the Bullet Club Young Bucks would have superkicked Roberts, superkicked the production guy, superkicked Renee Paquette when she made fun of them, etc. Maybe soon?

I thought this was a fairly good Dynamite, even if the main event kinda took me out of things a bit. It certainly didn’t SUCK, even if my opinions DO.