La Zona Muerta

On the whole, Forbidden Door was a better show than All In, but it was still let down by two things: not enough New Japan participation (more on that in a bit) and the absolute scourge of modern wrestling… overwrought, overthought overbooking. This show probably made it to at least 1.2 MegaJarretts on the overbooking scale. Did it ruin the show? No, of course not, but it was pretty laughable at a couple of points. THIS DOES NOT MEAN I DIDN’T LIKE THE SHOW. There was a lot of good to great wrestling on it… but the show tripped over itself a number of times unnecessarily.

The biggest elephant in the room: The Hurt Syndicate should probably just be fired. Not sat on until the contracts lapse, not “phased off of TV” or whatever; just let the fuck go. What’s to worry about? Where are they gonna go? Papa Haitch’s all White Fatherland? TNA, the land of Fed adjacency? THE WORLD OF MLW WHICH NEVER STOPS?

Nah.

I see some people saying “But Shelton Benjamin,” and it’s like… why do you want to save him? HE IS FIFTY, FIFTY YEARS OLD, SOLDIER. Sometimes babies have to go out with the bathwater, and if Shelton is collateral damage, so what? Big Bob Lashley is out there giving us the old “that doesn’t work for me, brother” and MVP might buy his own hype more than any other single wrestler (and think of the ground THAT covers). In the big three way, suddenly not elimination so something must have changed literally today tag team match, the Hurt Syndicate (sans MVP; the price of doing time, one supposes) were “distracted” by Ricochet and his dudes clad in NJPW tracksuits and drawn out of the ring, leaving FTR to fight Brody King and Bandido. At least Brody and an overly excited so he messed up the finish a bit Bandido went over… most people were willing to overlook the horseshit leading there due to the pleasant outcome, but good LORD. Get rid of EVERYONE who isn’t willing to do the YOB. WRESTLING IS FAKE. IT’S NOT A REAL FIGHT.

The next toxic dose of overbooking, of course, came in the Hangman Adam Page / Maxwell Jacob Friedman title match. I mean… you KNEW it would be ridiculous but again, the overthinking comes into play, the getting far too cute. Imagine a world where maybe Max goes to cheat, Mark Briscoe comes out to distract Max, Hanger rolls Max up, justice is served and Hanger wins. Now imagine instead that we got that, PLUS 3 minutes of Hangman leaving his foot on the rope while referee Bryce Remsburg seemingly fell asleep, Max parading around like he won, Briscoe being an ineffectual babyface, so many low blows that Tony Schiavone was heard to declare “SO MANY LOW BLOWS,” the Money in the Banl CONTRACT EXECUTOR’S CLIPBOARD, the Dynamite Diamond Ring, a push pull battle with Bryce, etc.

The worst part wasn’t even the dumb interference stuff, the dumb teasing of the dumb foreign objects, the dumb referee shenanigans, any of that in and of itself. It was the fact that all these things were hanging over the match like a stagnant, ominous storm cloud. They effectively made the world title match into a WWE match, because you were simply WAITING for the tables, the interference, the foreign objects, the horseshit, the JARRETTIAN OVERBOOKING to finally come into play. When they terminated the abyssmal MJF / Jeff Jarrett program, are we sure Jarrett didn’t become the guy who helps put together Max’ matches?

For me, even if the match was pretty good until the silliness started (and it was), it was impossible to fully enjoy because the dark spectre of MJFness loomed over it; you were left waiting for the other, crummy shoe to drop. And now we get that dark spectre continuing to loom until presumably the next pay per view.

What’s really funny is that… the announcers actively SAY this about MJF the character; they talk about how he doesn’t need the shortcuts and nonsense because he’s such a good wrestler… but that equally applies to the man who plays MJF the CHARACTER. He’s REALLY good at pro wrestling! He just can’t shed his love of Attitude era WWF bullshit, something a great deal of the audience (not everyone to be fair, but most good hearted people) has MOVED THE FUCK ON FROM. There’s a reason why old guys like me can’t shut up about how rotten this guy’s instincts are. He’s willing to show (some) ass, but if his CHARACTER is outsmarted, Max seemingly panics in real life! I can’t be outsmarted because what about my HEAT, bud?

Whatever. His act is tired, stale. He HAS to know that; the guy is VERY smart. It’s just whether or not he can see past his own ego that seems to be in question.

Your third act of overbooking wasn’t as egregious or potentially ruinous as the other two and it feeds into real life, but it still made my eyes roll. Of course, last week, Will Ospreay came out and gave that weird speech about how he wasn’t cleared to wrestle but would still be wrestling (?) but then leaving after the match, which was truly counterproductive. Turned out it was at least SOMEWHAT real… it’s not that Ospreay has suffered any particular injury but that the accumulation of years of being… well… WILL OSPREAY have caught up to him and he may need surgery to fix a couple of herniated discs. People seem hopeful that it’s going to be the less invasive type of surgery that’s going to be of the under six months recovery time variety and not the more invasive on the shelf for nine months to a year type, but only time will tell. As people rage and debate about AEW missing the window (? if they had gone with Ospreay as the guy, they’d still be losing him) with Ospreay, my objections were more… why are you telling us that you’re going to be out BEFORE the match, anyway? This is akin to when Bryan Danielson said flat out that he was no longer working under contract and looking to (re)retire BEFORE he was up for the world title shot (such a dumb, damaging admission that turned me against the American Dragon for the entirety of his title run)! Just say the match is dangerous and you’re not 100% and move on… especially when after the conclusion of the match, Jon Moxley and Claudio Castagnoli hit Ospreay with at least 5 DDT variations, the Death Rider (a piledriver type maneuver) and then finally Pilmanized (wrapped a steel chair around his neck and using it as a deadly fulcrum) his neck as everyone switched to the soft voice that indicates we just saw a real life injury in the fake world of wrestling.

Ugggggggggggghhhhhhhhh (ugggggggggggghhhhhhhhh TM Norman Krasner). Just do the attack to write him out. Make it a good, savage one and that’s enough. Instead we have to have this weird kayfabe blending real life speech thing mixed in and the soft voice selling and the stretcher board and shitty real life doctor and… I dunno… it’s all a bit much to me. Maybe they got too much heat for the suffocation bag thing, but using that instead might have been a nice parallel to when the Death Riders put out Danielson the same way. IT’S LIKE POETRY, IT RHYMES. By the way, we also had Swerve Strickland (presumably) being written out with a devastating attack (Prince Nana, too!) at the hands of the returning and on a super cycle WARDLOW, so they sort of doubled up on the writing out one of the top good guys thing.

That being said, the unsanctioned match was a lot of dumb fun. You know, I hate a lot of things other people consider “fun” in wrestling, but something about the Young Bucks’ schtick… man, it really works for me. They bullied a subordinate to give them their original theme and a sack full of dangerous implements to hide under the ring (instead of taking care of the treachery themselves). Of course, if you pay peanuts, you get monkeys. Therefore, the Bucks came out to Hanson’s “Mmmm Bop” (not their “original” theme, but something they used in PWG when they were super smarmy heels) and their bag of dastardly foreign objects contained… gummy bears. I know some people hate this stuff, but I genuinely find it hilarious.

There’s too much BS to satisfactorily list in the cage match… suffice to say that everyone got a chance to shine and there were a lot of crazy spots. Kota Ibushi and Ospreay, of all people, talked Hiroshi Tanahashi from doing something stupid off of the steel cage. My guy, haven’t you seen Keiji Mutoh’s final match, where he looked longingly at the ring post with moonsault dreams? Gabe Kidd and Darby Allin effectively eliminated themselves from the proceedings with a crazy fall from the top of the cage through a stack of tables on the outside. Excalibur saved the life of the woman on Japanese comms when Wheeler YUTA was destroyed by a plummet from the top of the cage, along with the Japanese commentary table. Kota, of course, didn’t get his hands up when one of the Bucks planted him FACE FIRST on the ring apron. Darby and Jon Moxley did a completely gross EAR spot with Mox DIGGING FOR TREASURE in Darby’s ear with a goddamned FORK. “Forky, no!*” Kenny Omega was moving pretty stiffly, but got to hit plenty of stiff V-Triggers and Snapdragon suplexes. A DUMB match, but a fun one, especially if you dig that kind of chaos. The PREZ, Tana himself picked up the victory, THEREBY EITHER OPENING OR SHUTTING THE FORBIDDEN DOOR FOR ALL TIME, thanks to a little help from his friends with one last (UK) High Fly Flow on the long suffering Matt Jackson.

So, here’s where I complain about the lack of New Japan involvement. The two best matches on the show, depending on how you felt about the main, were likely the only two real “Forbidden Door” matches of consequence (I’m not really counting the pre show stuff, although the pre show was fine); Hiromu Takahashi versus Kyle Fletcher and Zack Sabre Jr. versus Nigel McGuinness. Both matches were terrific, Nigel / ZSJ only maybe dulled slightly by needing a bit more time, and both had TITLES at stake, so it felt like there was actually some sort of something to FIGHT for. I will stick up to some degree for AEW on the lack of NJ involvement… who does the western audience even want to see from over there right now? The G1 just ended… the state of obtaining visas is probably brutal… but there was hardly anything making this a “cross promotional” show other than the use of the New Japan ring announcer all night. As things stand right now… Forbidden Door is supposedly a co-promoted show put on by AEW AND NJPW, so much so that they share the profits in it. I would hope that, this year, the profit sharing is NOT an even split. I have already said the Forbidden Door concept should be put to rest as on any given Dynamite or Collision you will likely see 1D6** New Japan or CMLL talents… the door hasn’t been truly “forbidden” since, what? 2020? 2021? Whenever the contemptible Harold Meji was shown the door. If the IP is TOO valuable, then AEW, Tony Khan, whomever should put some real thought into EXPANDING Forbidden door into a kind of NJPW / CMLL / STARDOM and any other friendly promotion type super show, and I don’t mean by having one or two token performers. Put on matches you WELL AND TRULY can’t see elsewhere. Be wild! Be different! Otherwise, let the thing rest until New Japan is back up to fighting weight.

While there was plenty of good stuff on FD, I don’t think there was a true stand out. My favorite match of the week, the only thing that really earned the “Chef Recommends” label would be the Konosuke Takeshita / Tomohiro Ishii WAR from Saturday’s episode of Collision. Ishii looked like the Ishii of old and Takeshita looked like a man who rightfully won the Grade One Climax tournament in front of some truly ungrateful wrestling fans. You mean to tell me there was NOTHING to find for a guy who essentially REPRESENTS the Forbidden Door ITSELF on this card? Please.

Gotta be honest, I’m NOT looking forward to the upcoming ECW Arena residency. ECW nostalgia is nearly as contemptible and indeed, ruinous to me as Attitude Era nostalgia or, worst of all, NWO nostalgia. I hope to be proven wrong but AEW needs a real reset with a syringe full of logic and consequences and not last minute changes, nostalgia for the olds, nostalgia for things that happened in other wrestling promotions, etc. Let’s get some heat going under the YOUTH. Let’s bring back fine details and rewards for long time watchers. Build some faces if Ospreay and Swerve are both gone. Let Hangman OUTSMART the bad guys who underestimate his intelligence. Let MJF undergo a transformative character arc. BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE.

*a reference of near MST3K level obscurity

**meaning the results of a roll of one six sided die for you non gamer dork types