La Zona Muerta

I have to be honest with YOU, my faithful readers (a couple dozen of you, bless your hearts): for a minute there, I kinda almost thought about not buying WrestleDream. Blasphemy? I dunno… yes, the show ended up great and I’m glad I bought it, but for more than a split second, I was a bit unenthused about devoting five hours (actually five hours plus, Art) to rasslin’. The build up to the show on AEW TV was only really good for a couple of the matches… AEW was unable to find a spot for KENNY OMEGA on the card… insidious outside forces are teasing GABE KIDD coming in on a more permanent basis… the missus and I have a backlog of old Rifftrax to get thru and…

Ah.

Obviously, I bit the bullet and bought the show. But the POINT is that I almost didn’t.

They probably need to work on that. Not for me, in specific (although it would be nice), but rather just firing up the base in general. “AEW never misses on pay per view” will only last so long.

That being said; they didn’t miss on pay per view, at least not this month, so who’s the asshole here? Well, me, obviously. I mean, even the half Collision was really good; featuring a long battle between the Conglomeration (featuring my beloved Roderick Strong) and the Death Riders, and then most interestingly, the start of a match between Jet Speed and FTR that bled into the PPV proper. I saw someone say they thought it was a scheduling mess up; I guess he missed the part where both members of Jet Speed and FTR rolled out to the floor to allow time for people to click over from Collision to the show proper. It was a fun, little experiment.

FTR finally unlocking whatever it was (Stokely?) to go from being an homage, a TRIBUTE to an old territory style act to finally BECOMING one… I wish they figured this out YEARS ago. Whatever that missing ingredient was… FTR is a BLAST to watch now, and even if I’m a bit indifferent to Speedball Mike Bailey, Kevin Knight is a terrific, can’t miss prospect who hopefully has more in his future than hot tag guy. Stokely and the FTR with hair were getting into a fight with vociferous little kids in the crowd! It’d bring a tear to a glass eye. Anyway; a strong opener and a fun little experiment telling the freeloading audience that if they want to see the rest of this match, tune in. Neat idea (just don’t make a regular thing out of it; neat can come predictable REALLY EASY with repetition).

Thekla versus Jamie Hayter was fine. I was expecting it to be a hard hitting affair and the match got there in the second half but there was a point early on where Thekla was in full mount and just doing sloppy air punches to the area near Hayter’s head. I was yelling “you’ve both been in STARDOM; lay it in!” but for some reason, neither woman could hear my impassioned rant. I like Jamie Hayter a LOT; I’ve yet to really be impressed by Thekla, but, as I say, this picked up in the second half. Thekla did some heel messing around with Charlie Thesz, wife of the late, great Lou Thesz, which was just fun, classic wrestling stuff. I got a kick out of that, and I bet the former Mrs. Thesz did, as well.

This led to the next match; the Young Bucks and Jurassic Express. The Bucks’ Tony Tron entrance video pointed out that they were in the hole and needed the 500,000 dollar prize… but I think the math didn’t quite work out; according to the screen the Bucks were already DOWN 500K. Winning would have only made them break even! Jack Perry came out dressed as Kraven the Hunter… a character who both committed suicide in the actual Marvel comics (probably before Jack was born) and also committed box office suicide just a year ago by somehow being greenlit into a film by SONY. Isn’t AEW a DC Comics territory?

The match itself was classic Bucks; kicking out of everything and the kitchen sink (perhaps a bit TOO much for my taste; the Bucks kicking out of devastating maneuvers and dishing them out for their OPPONENTS to kick out of to the point of oversaturation… that’s always been the thing that’s kept me from embracing them more fully). There was a point where the Bucks hit the double stomp package piledriver that was the tag finish of the (former?) Lucha Bros…. and that wasn’t the finish. It’s like… the finish isn’t going to be as COOL as that (it wasn’t) so… maybe don’t do it? I dunno. I guess that’s a matter of taste. Luchasaurus was CRAZY over with this hot crowd (the crowd people groused about as being too small and in a dead market and yet looked great, didn’t leave en masse before the main event and managed to stay hot for like 90% of the show) and even though he and Perry hadn’t teamed in at least two or three years, thanks to the help of the Bucks, they looked great together. In fact, honestly, this was probably one of Perry’s best performances, period. I know a LOT of people who hate the guy… yeah, the idea of him suddenly being a knife guy and not a rich performing arts kid is pretty silly, but he does have SOMETHING. He’ll never be one of my favorites, but that’s okay… He doesn’t need to be. If his ultimate ceiling is TAG GUY who people love the theme song of, I think that’s fine, especially if AEW finally puts some attention back on tags in general. Really good match, and if you love the kick out of everything type deal the Bucks specialize in, probably a GREAT match. There were some Don Callis Family shenanigans at the end, but, BIG KENNY O, representing THE SPIRIT OF ANTONIO BY GOD INOKI, made the save… of sorts. The Bucks were conflicted and while I’m not interested in seeing them turn face, obviously there’s always money in BOTH the banana stand AND an Elite reunion. Maybe this is all on fast forward due to Kota Ibushi’s injury? Dunno. Anyway, this was Kenny’s one appearance on the show.

Cough. (Also, I’m not certain KENNY was the best person to bear the flag of INOKIISM but, LET’S HEAR IT FOR INOKI, anyway)

The Hurt Men faced the Demand (terrible name; sounds like they would open for the Alarm or the Call Friday at the Ballard Firehouse) in their best of 800 series in what was easily the weakest match on the show (and that might include the Eddie Kingston / HOOK squash on Collision). Would have been fine on Dynamite. Actually; the one they did already on Dynamite was BETTER THAN THIS. What can I say? Watching people sell for MVP is still a bit galling to me. Shelton Benjamin looked like he was quite ‘well;’ make of that what you will. This act is such an albatross. Gates of Agony were an INSPIRED choice to join Ricochet; none of the tedium was their fault. I get they’re only willing to sell and do “business” (ho ho, get it) with certain people but… just send these dudes home. Finish saw Bishop Kaun pull Ricochet out of the ring (gee, what a mensch) and sort of taking the bullet, getting beat upon by all three Hurt Men after valiantly saving his boss. What a feud ender (?).

Next was something that, for me, might well be a late contender for match of the year (it wasn’t MOTC, but it was REALLY good); Mark Briscoe and Kyle Fletcher BATTLED (boy, did they) for the TNT title. Yes, this should have been Kenny Omega in the Mark Briscoe role, but it’s not like Kyle and Mark don’t have the history. Was this as good as their match in the Continental Classic last year (or the rematch)? I don’t know; I’d have to watch it again. KYLE is better now than he was then, certainly. His improvement… I mean, they are even telling you on commentary that this man will be champion, sooner than later. He’s a truly excellent wrestler and it’s a pleasure seeing him grow and mature in front of our eyes. Mark Briscoe… what can I say? He’s a tremendous performer with a crowd connection that borders on the unreal. His chemistry with Kyle is excellent; he’s someone performing his craft at a top level. If it wasn’t a bit too early to have Kyle lose (I half talked myself into Kyle losing “up,” if you will), I would have been happy to see Briscoe win the TNT title, here. The only “bad” thing, if you could call it that, was Kyle throwing Mark into the ref, using the slight sliver of distraction time to hit a low blow and then his disgustingly brutal brainbuster… and only getting a two count. You want to talk NXT face? The froggish, blubbery face Kyle made here put EVERYONE CURRENTLY ENROLLED IN NXT FACE CLASS TO SHAME. VEry wacky, possibly to the match’s detriment, possibly not if you enjoy wackiness. We laughed but that wasn’t the point in the match to laugh. Still, I was pounding my fist on the floor. Kyle hit the DANGEROUS~! (DANGEROUS TM JIMMY BAUER) brainbuster (you know, the one into the turnbuckle) for the win.

The only thing this gives me pause on… and it’s not a bad thing… is what do you do with Mark? He’s as over as anyone in the top of the card. What do you do with the guy? I think he might have more of an upper limit to him than upper midcard gatekeeper, not that upper midcard gatekeeper is a bad role to have. Is it time to seriously talk about Mark Briscoe, main event guy?

Kris Statlander and Toni Storm had a decent match… I don’t have much to say about it other than they worked hard and in spots, it was pretty damn hard hitting. It never really got to that second level of grabbing my attention, I have to say, but that doesn’t mean it was bad. Toni is in kind of a weird neither fish nor fowl limbo phase right now, it seems. Toni lost and made sure to do her damnedest (perhaps to the point of “okay, I get it”) to put Stat over as the viable, credible women’s world champ before going off to have fun in the women’s tag ranks with her old pal Mina Shirakawa. That’s probably a good thing for her to do, to give her time to regenerate a bit.

But oh look, here comes Mercedes Moné to spoil the fun.

One of the most frustrating things in modern wrestling right now is people MERCEDESPLAINING to those of us who don’t think Mercedes is “the greatest women’s wrestler of all time” (and not to yuck your yum, but if YOU think that, I kindly ask you to watch some tape. Take a look at Aja Kong. Take a look at Akira Hokuto. Take a look at Manami Toyota. Take a look at my beloved Dump Matsumoto. If you want inconsistent spectacle, the highest highs and some low ass lows, take a look at Megumi Kudo). It is so irritating when people feel the need to explain why you are wrong to NOT enjoy something. YES, I UNDERSTAND THAT THE HEAT STEMS FROM MERCEDES RARELY LOSING AND HAVING ALL THE BELTS. Remember how she put over AZM, just really cemented her reputation by losing the NJPW Women’s Strong title to her in a brutal encounter? No, you don’t because that didn’t happen. Mercedes lost it in a three way match by not being pinned; a match that was forgotten the night it happened. Meanwhile, you get this WRESTLESPLAINING and the match itself Mercedes had with interim (sigh) ROH Women’s TV champion Mira Shirakawa was nothing to write home about. Honestly, the match seemed to both lose the crowd in a few spots and was a bit sloppy, especially towards the end. Oh, and they also used the some spot Kyle and Mark Briscoe did with the ref just two matches prior, but that’s just dumb agenting. “Oh, but DJ,” you cry as you rush to explain. “Mercedes had to cheat to win; her tenuous grasp on the belts is starting to slip!” and it’s like, yes. I know. I understand. I just don’t see the VALUE in this that you do. The thing that really irritated me was Mercedes telling Kris Stat, after Stat’s match, prior to her own, to “get the hell out of my ring,” Shawn Michaels style… and Kris Stalander made a face and COMPLIED. YOUR WOMEN’S WORLD CHAMPION, FOLKS. THE HEEL TELLS HER WHAT TO DO AND SHE DOES IT. Don’t worry, Stat “got her heat back” by coming out after Mercedes’ match and giving Mercedes a somewhat hesitant fallaway slam. I dunno. I’m not sure the physical attack was enough of a receipt. Not my jam. Also? Unless you have BOOKED him, leave my precious Ultimo Dragon OUT of this nonsense, please.

Next, you had another fantastic tag match… the “can they get along, no, of course not” team of new (and underappreciated) IWGP Heavyweight champion Konosuke Takeshita and Kazuchika Okada versus Brody King and the still somewhat injured Bandido (sorry, friend of the blog Supersonic Jen; I REFUSE to type the OTHER thing). The heat here was really wondering how they were going to get out of this; the tag titles were on the line and obviously Takeshita can’t drop a fall whilst he is IWGP champion… but you don’t want Okada losing too much (if at all)… but on the other hand, King and Bandido have instantly become fan favorites and hell, maybe even an act you can draw money with, given the right circumstances, so you don’t want to beat them. What do you do?

Okada gets cocky, fucks up, takes out Takeshita by “accident” (wink) and then injured Bandido overcomes his shoulder injury to hit his finish (the contrived but cool 21 Plex) on OKADA HIMSELF, scoring the clean as a sheet pinfall. Beautiful. This was a really fun match; all four men know their characters so well, know the roles they are playing. Okada is this cocky prick heel, full of himself and the surety of being the “best tournament wrestler of all time.” Takeshita is the LITERAL best wrestler in the world but has fallen in with a bad crowd and wants to please them because he is a stranger in a strange land with no real friends. Bandido is the plucky, valiant babyface, willing to work through injury. Brody is the bruiser (ho ho) who has seen more success through his unlikely friendship with Bandidio than he ever has before. Stir and add a squeeze of Don Callis being this generation’s Bobby Heenan.

Okada clearly saves himself for these big moments, these big matches and you know what? I’m fine with it. Realistically, the way both Okada and Takeshita are portrayed, if they WEREN’T wacky tag team partners who hated each other, if they were on the same page, you’d have to have them on top of the company, and that’s not the direction AEW wants, so… it works for now. I was wondering if this was where the DCF finally turns on Takeshita, but we were spared that, THIS time. I hope THAT eventual thing takes place in a big market with a raucous crowd because that could be a monumental face turn; that beautiful man, long hair plastered to his face, shaking his fists like a modern Rick Morton, channeling FIGHTING SPIRIT. This match was the match of the night and receives my highest possible recommendation. Oh, and anyone who thinks Bandido is undervalued by Tony Khan is COMPLETELY out to lunch.

Samoa Joe, the man who, beyond every other wrestler, has the deepest and most perfect understanding of who he is and the role he portrays, had a SLUGFEST with Hangman Adam Page. Everyone is so caught up in weirdness about Page; yes, he has fans who are grating. No, he is not this amazing box office draw, at least not yet. Despite all of that, he’s an excellent performer, in and out of the ring and is such a lay up to be the face of YOUR wrestling company. He’s great. He’s BEEN great. He has a ceiling I can’t see the top of. Let’s quit sweating the details and being weird about him and just enjoy this title reign. Page has a bit of a rep for working… let’s be nice and say “snug” and obviously, so does Joe, so if you expected two big bulls beating the shit out of each other? That’s what you got. Page managed to CATCH JOE LACKING and put him down with three (!) Buckshot Lariats. After a post match moment of shared, mutual respect…

JOE EVOLVED INTO HIS FINAL FORM AND INTRODUCED PAGE TO HIS NATION OF VIOLENCE. No sling blade or facial tattoo, tho’. The OPPS all turned heel and ol’ NO FRIENDS HANGER got a mudhole stomped in him by three evil men. This was BEAUTIFUL. The world’s most bloodthirsty woman, my wife, set to my left, had been baying for a TURN all night, that gross 10% of her lizard hindbrain that likes Survivor Series 1998 howling “SOMEONE TURN.” I slapped her calf with the back of my hand. “YOU WANTED SOMEONE TO TURN AND YOU GOT IT,” I thundered and she cackled with approval. Great way to extend the feud, great way to instantly make some new heels. Hanger having to work his way through Heel Powerhouse Hobbs and, even better HEEL KATSUYORI SHIBATA should make for good TV. Keep telling me that Page is somehow a failure on top; I’ll keep enjoying his programs, thanks. Signed, someone who didn’t even like Page until maybe his final G1 appearance.

And then… then it was time for the match that we had all been warned, over and over again, that was gonna be too VIOLENT for the faint of heart, too wild to not be the main event. Darby Allin versus Jon Moxley, five letters, two words, I QUIT.

Was it a great match? It was a good one, pretty solid, probably not reaching the violent heights some had imagined. I absolutely had to turn away when Moxley appeared to shove a bamboo skewer under Darby’s fingernail (yes, this was a feat of prestidigitation but ugh, just the THOUGHT of it). It was surprisingly blood light, although Mox did definitely break skin on Allin’s back with a savage belt beating. There was a LOT of Death Riders interference (including something AMAZING where Claudio Castagnoli THREW Darby at least twenty feat from the middle of the ring to the announcers’ desk. INCREDIBLE), probably bordering on too much (even if Darby SOMEWHAT evened the odds with a “chemical spray,” aka mace). THE HEAVENS THEMSELVES AGREED because, after attempting to DROWN Darby in an aquarium, Mox was stymied by the appearance of

it’s (convention style) STIIIIIIING

the (old) MAN CALLED STING, possibly diminished by time but still happy to communicate VIA THE MEDIUM OF BAT. He threw Darby his bat, absconded with the VILE AND TREACHEROUS Marina Shafir (she has to be Mox’ heater for the remainder of their mutual careers; just wonderful in the role) and Darby suddenly remembered that he had access to Sting’s moveset. One Scorpion Death Drop, one Scorpion Death Lock later… and JON MOXLEY quit with Darby’s AEW flag wrapped about his neck, as promised. Finish came a little fast (they clearly had a hard out to meet) but it was great.

I’ve seen some complaints that Darby couldn’t get the job done without the interference of a retired wrestler and… if you were feeling uncharitable, I suppose that’s a valid gripe… but I would remind you, if you felt that way, that Darby had to overcome FIVE other people in addition to Moxley. Your mileage, as always, may vary. I saw some complaints that there wasn’t enough blood, enough violence (you could definitely complain that they had teased fire so much that no fire coming into play was kind of a let down, but GOOD GOTCH ABOVE, what do you want, SHOOT MURDER?)… apparently there were some issues with what the Missouri Athletic Commission was willing to allow. I joked online that they were banned from using fire and chose to do WATER instead. Of course, even THAT spot turned into a thing… a former AEW employee who I won’t name went into full “WON’T SOMEONE PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDERN” mode and decried the drowning spot as too dangerous, not for the performers, but because children could emulate it. Children could emulate this spot. This spot that they apparently had to lay down fifty bucks to see. The spot that was on at 9:30 at night on the West Coast and 12:30 at night on the East.

Sigh.

I have a feeling that “objection” was waiting in the drafts, regardless of what the most dangerous spot in the match ended up being. What is it with these embittered ex wrestlers turning on AEW when they can’t draw a paycheck from them? Hmmmm, I wonder. I’m sure Stevie Richards / Bully Ray / Jim Cornette / Eric Bischoff /etc. has a video premiering later today all about it. PS; the agent of the match was Dean Malenko (with help from Chris Hero) so if you want to complain about no real wrestling and etc., lodge your complaints to THE MASTER OF 1,000 HOLDS.

So, WrestleDream ended up being a great card with only a couple of blemishes. I think it kicked the pants off of All Out, even if the build was a bit lacking. As we fade into the end of the year, hopefully things tighten up with the looming Blood and Guts (why are they promoting that if no one has “accepted” the terms for the match? Imagine, in kayfabe if everyone was TOO SCARED to do it; what would the company do? FORCE someone to fight in it?) and Continental Classic on the horizon. The strong tag team action on the show should also be a sign of letting AEW get back to those tag roots… hopefully sooner than later. Glad I bought the show, even if it was a close call.