La Zona Muerta

The Rainy City provided a lovely backdrop for AEW this week; hardly surprising since AEW is pretty well loved over in the UK. I could be a snarky boy and be like “well, then why didn’t they give them a better show” but the show was… aggressively fine. Honestly, it was really only one thing that I heavily disliked, but I am feeble and small minded; that one thing set me on edge for the rest of the show… and this show was three LONG hours. Sometimes these shows FLY right by and sometimes… not so much. Look, maybe I was in a bad mood or something… I had just finished watching the Jeff Buckley documentary on MAX and perhaps I was a bit emotionally… wobbly… (maybe I should just review THAT instead but I genuinely don’t have the time to give you the personal perspective that is the whole point of this dumb blog). I was doing okay, chatting with the wife, watching the show… but once the long hour two promo segment began, my enthusiasm for the evening’s proceedings pretty much dropped off of a cliff.

May as well get to it. Maxwell Jacob Friedman made his triumphant (?) return on last night’s Dynamite.

I get that brother wants to be in the movies… but sometimes with the hair… you just gotta accept the truth (also; joke stolen from friend of the blog Maura J; thank you kindly)

MJF is a terrific wrestler when it comes to his in-ring. He’s genuinely been in some classics in AEW… the (first) match with Adam Cole (the time limit draw, not the All In main), the random match with Kenny Omega that was built almost entirely on the Being the Elite web show, the dog collar match with CM Punk, the Iron Man match with Bryan Danielson. Those are all excellent matches and not just because of the opponents; Max wasn’t being carried in a single one of those. Some people don’t like to hear this, but… he’s REALLY GOOD AT WRESTLING. He has a crispness, a fluidity that is difficult to teach. He likes to tell us, on and off camera that he’s some sort of prodigy, and you have to hand it to the man… maybe he actually IS.

MJF is also an excellent promo… when he’s not rolling out the same shtick I’ve been hearing since… 2016? 2017? I have followed Max well prior to AEW’s beginnings… I want to say the first time I saw him was when he was DISGUSTINGLY YOUNG on a CZW show (it may have been the show where Atushi Onita kinda boned the promotion and demanded on the day of the show, maybe even the HOUR of the show, to change his singles match with Matt Tremont to a six man tag. Book the big man, get BURNED in an explosion of politicking). I think MJF was being forced to be in a Cage of Death match (CZW’s infamous War Games-adjacent plunder laden deathmatch gimmick) and he cut a promo about he was too good looking and rich to participate… and then he immediately got stapled or whatever. The good kind of heel; going in hard on everyone’s seeming deficiencies, then immediately showing ass when necessary. I CACKLED when he was featured prominently at the AEW announcement presser… the YouTube comments were WILD. A hundred WWE-only fans who had NO IDEA who he was, talking about how he looked like a diet Mike Mizanin, not having any idea that even in 2019, MJF was a FAR more complete wrestler than the Miz EVER was. I knew he would be a perfect fit for the fledgling promotion.

Needless to say… MJF’s tenure in All Elite Wrestling has NOT been perfect. “Ups and downs” would be the best way to describe it, and even that would be CHARITABLE. Some of his stuff lands with hurricane force. Sometimes, ofttimes, it’s just terrible, repetitive dross. He cut an incredible, emotional promo in his lead up to fighting Punk, drawing on real life bullying (more on that in a second). He famously buried the company on live TV in something apparently meant to approximate the CM Punk “pipe bomb” promo after a bizarre, still debated possibly worked, possibly shoot incident where MJF may or may not have threatened to no show a pay per view. He performed in “Le Dinner Debonair,” a strange but enjoyable (to me anyway) musical-inspired skit with the reviled Chris Jericho, and honestly… he was GREAT, showing off his musical theater chops. Earlier this year, he was one half of a promo battle, so misogyny-laden, so puerile, that Jeff Jarrett’s spot on weekly AEW TV was ELIMINATED. And lest we ever forget, MJF, supposedly the ultimate heel, was so concerned with saying cool, edgy, inside things that he began getting babyface pops (MORE LIKE BAY BAY FACE POPS, AMIRITE) and the company turned MJF face.

AEW is STILL digging themselves out of the hole that babyface MJF left them in. Babyface MJF, tentative in accepting fan love, not tentative in going over heels, killing Switchblade Jay White with a promo and then killing Jay White’s entire faction single handedly in a backstage segment better left forgotten.

Here’s (one of) the problem(s) with MJF. For all the good stuff he does, for all of his acumen somehow won at a far too young age… HIS INSTINCTS ARE TERRIBLE. That promo I mentioned where he was fighting Punk? MJF was meant to be the villain… but he told us how he had been abused by anti-Semites. How he looked up to Punk only to be DISAPPOINTED by him. HE WAS THE HEEL BUT HE CUT A FACE PROMO, LOOKING FOR SYMPATHY. Could you say it was multi-layered, faceted storytelling? Certainly people at the TIME did, looking to justify why the bad guy cut a promo looking for sympathy. “Oh, it was just mind games, he was looking to trick Punk in story.” Uh huh.

MJF did a similar thing whilst struggling against the Blackpool Combat Club; he cut this amazing, passionate promo about how William Regal big leagued him back when Regal was a WWE talent scout, and that forced Max to up his game. Again, a great promo but the content… if you scratched the surface, it was more self serving than STORY serving.

So sometimes, Max cuts these thoughtful promos, particularly when he is invested or he has a good foil. His work with Hangman Adam Page, if a bit repetitive (he really should have stopped calling Page “Seabiscuit” when Page pointed out that SEABISCUIT WINS) is usually top drawer, and earlier in the year, Max’ emotional admission that he was JEALOUS of Page’s connection with the crowd was actually quite compelling.

The rest of the time, it’s either just the laziest, most repetitive stuff you’ve ever heard, a mixture of calling people dumb, fat and poor, or it’s like gross, misogynist stuff or even race baiting. I’ve gotten into that before… how in a year where immigrants are literally being snatched out of their homes, that RACE HEAT might not be a great thing to chase but even last night, Max had to go there, doing edgelord shit, comparing Swerve Strickland to the hated (for a number of reasons) P. Diddy. I mean… what are we doing here? Sure, you can say that the race stuff got him over in Arena Mexico, an audience who tend to like the gross, evil Yankee versus the heroic, domestic Mexican, but why did he go there with RUSH? With KONOSUKE TAKESHITA, even borrowing a slur from noted AEW enemy Jim Cornette? To get HEAT? God knows he’s not afraid to name drop WWE every thirty seconds, whether it’s to bury someone for coming from there or teasing going there himself, depending upon his current character alignment.

The argument, the justification is ALWAYS “you aren’t supposed to like heels. MJF is trying to get heel heat. MJF is an unlikable heel.” People may as well have this programmed as a fucking MACRO when discussing MJF to save themselves some keystrokes, and hell, maybe it would even have some validity…

…if MJF weren’t CONSTANTLY looking for babyface pops in his insults. He can’t just be a heel; he has to be the NWO cool guy heel that you secretly (or not so secretly) agree with. He is telling you one the one hand “boo me, you’re fat and poor” and on the other he’s like “ha ha, remember when Swerve Strickland was in WWE? He was twerking for Top Dolla LOL.”

MJF is so talented but so polarizing. The worst part about talking about him is that, if you don’t like him, people seem REALLY, REALLY BENT UPON TELLING YOU WHY YOU’RE WRONG. Like, I’m all for open conversation and discussion… there’s nuance that gets lost so easily beyond just a few words typed on a screen, but if I don’t like a performer, I’m not WRONG for not liking him, I just have different TASTE than you do. That doesn’t stop from people SCREECHING at you about why MJF is GOOD, ACTUALLY. Cool, if you enjoy him, enjoy his repetitive, lowest common denominator stuff, that’s great. I don’t. Thank you.

Another issue with MJF… when he is in AEW, in other words, when he’s being actively booked? You can guarantee that every show he’s on, he’s getting at least ten minutes (or more) of facetime. He gets time, a LOT of time, time others don’t, and that makes the repetition stand out more. If you don’t LIKE MJF, sorry; you get served a FAR GREATER AMOUNT of MJF than you do ANYONE ELSE ON THE PROGRAM. During his disastrous babyface championship reign, when he was asked about the divisive nature of the dumb comedy skits he was starring in EVERY WEEK, he replied, with real tears for dramatic effect, that a wrestling show should provide “different flavors of ice cream.”

MJF’s flavor is rum raisin, a strong flavor, a shocking flavor, especially if you just want vanilla, strawberry and chocolate. And too much of it grates, particularly when you get served a BIG FUCKING SCOOP OF IT EVERY WEEK.

You know what kills me about Max? Genuinely frustrates me?

HE’S BETTER THAN THIS, AND, for better or worse, HE KNOWS IT.

He doesn’t HAVE to deliver the same “hey, you poors, you’re dumb. Cut my music, cut my music” promo every week. He doesn’t have to talk about dead girlfriends giving him hummers in a car (? I don’t even remember why he cut a promo about this, but he did) or why Jeff Jarrett’s old lady was fat and dead or why RUSH is bad and dumb because he doesn’t speak English well. He doesn’t have to try to get a snicker from the crowd every time… again, it’s those poor instincts at work. He tried to make a BALD JOKE last night about Samoa Joe, meanwhile, he has enough frequent flier miles from cruising to Turkey to get ASS TO SCALP HAIR TRANSPLANTS every six months that the fucking ODOMETER has rolled over. The airline probably upgrades him to business class upon one glance at his stupid Burberry scarf, stewardesses rolling their eyes, saying “here we go again. It’s the insecure hair dude.” Maybe he and his homie PHIL are on those same flights. “Going back to Ankara, bud?” “You know it! I’m enjoying an active lifestyle with my new hair! I can go swimming with confidence!”

Instead of the insecure, projective bullshit, we could be getting the real guy, the one who has something ACTUAL to say. That crack about being mad that the fans still liked Hangman Page? That was clearly coming from a real place. The stuff about being bullied? Real. The stuff about Regal blowing him off, and forcing him to make Regal eat those words? Real. What I don’t want is the guy who gets to cut unlimited, unEDITED promos with no rebuttal. Remember his feud with Ricky Starks? He came up against a guy when couldn’t eat alive on the mic and when Starks was able to promo back, Max seemed legitimately RATTLED. Max is good until he comes up against a MODICUM of pushback… then he’s falling back on what he’s seen. He’s falling back on NWO tropes, Attitude Era tropes. If he’s a good guy, that good guy is Stone Cold Steve Austin with a dash of the Rock. If he’s a bad guy, he’s cooler than thou Kevin Nash, mixed with another dollop of the Rock. He opts for the SAFETY of repetition, the EASE of the familiar. The path of least resistance.

I’ve written a dozen paragraphs or more without even talking about last night’s return… So let’s talk about it. Much like this column, the promo segment was ALREADY long… a three way contract signing between Page, Samoa Joe and Swerve Strickland. All three men got to have their say… Joe basically just saying that he will retain the title, Swerve talking about the LAST time he had a contract signing with Joe… Swerve signed in his own blood… and that he would be coming for the belt REGARDLESS of who held it… Page talking about how it took all three of them working together to unthrone Jon Moxley… but about how he was the only one that ACTUALLY got the job done. Once all three of them had signed, the countdown started… internal and otherwise… just WAITING for his music to hit. Finally, he came out, and to be fair it was to a huge ovation (but again, he’s supposed to be this hated heel), and handed Tony Schiavone his Casino Gauntlet Contract Cash In Thingamabob (Schiavone even called it a “cash in,” which set my teeth on edge). He grinned and Tony said in shock (and awe) that the three way match was now a four way. And you know what?

If the segment had ended RIGHT HERE, it would have been FINE. I wouldn’t have been thrilled about the addition, but honestly, we pretty much all saw this coming.

Of course, that’s NOT where the segment ended, because now Max had to have 3 to 5 uninterrupted minutes promoing on EACH OF HIS OPPONENTS. I don’t mean his promo was between 3 to 5 minutes. I mean 3 to 5 minutes on EACH GUY.

He immediately called Schiavone a tub of goo, and then played the hits. Samoa Joe is husky, so he’s “Sloppy Joe.” Hangman was “Seabiscuit.” Because he’s a… horse? Swerve was “Shane” (he kept saying Shane like it was an insult or something. “Shane” isn’t Swerve’s real name. Given all the WWE content of his promo, I’m stunned he didn’t call him “Isaiah.” Oh well, there’s always next week) because that’s the first name he knew him as on the indies. Rinse, wash, repeat. The criminal part of all of this was that Max had NOTHING new to say. Joe was fat and old. He hates Hangman. Swerve was a failure in WWE (and then he compared him to P.Diddy, the untalented hack sex trafficker. Hey, sex trafficking adjacent to a WWE mention! Maybe Max is smarter than I gave him credit for). Sound and fury, signifying JACK SQUAT.

I’m not against the return of MJF.

I’m against the return of THIS MJF. No retooling of the gimmick, no reinvention. Endless scoops of rum raisin, piled high in your bowl, and you have to dig through them to get to the flavor you REALLY want at the bottom.

He’s going to win the title next week. Then, they will have the pointless battle between Ricochet and Bandido over the right to have one of them challenge for the “why is this a tertiary title in AEW” Dynamite Diamond Ring. And then, since they aren’t likely to do a heel versus heel match, MJF will beat fan favorite Bandido. Maybe the matches will be fine, even good… but I’m tired of it before they’ve even happened.

There was a point where a big part of his gimmick was teasing “the Bidding War of ’24,” teasing going to WWE. At the time, while I was irritated that he mentioned WWE every few seconds, I was horrified at the idea… the PERCEPTION hit AEW would take if MJF were to leave. Obviously he didn’t, he re-signed (if he ever hit free agency in the first place, who knows)… but at this point, I wouldn’t bat a fucking EYELASH if he were to split. Do it, go join Cody in the other place. Just make sure you have your lifts built into your boots. The fans there will love the same promo served up hot every week.

Such was my ire, that the promo last night, this twenty minutes of my life that I will never get back, really kinda took me out of the rest of the show; and there was like an hour and forty five minutes of show left! You can tell when my attention drifts… because I went and did that little cartoon when I should have been marking out over PAC and Kyle Fletcher. I’m Googling for a Burberry scarf pattern instead of fawning over a SUPER POISONRANA followed by the elusive BLACK ARROW. Thanks. Max.

Alright. That’s all the ire you get from me this week. I’m wrung out, like a smelly dish towel. Cut my music, you poors.