La Zona Muerta

I don’t always keep up on the match announcements for a typical AEW Dynamite; I don’t really live and die on that as so many seem to (look at Bluesky any Monday afternoon when a full card hasn’t been yet announced and watch the entitlement flow)… but I did see that there was something called a “Mile High Madness” match with the Young Bucks, FTR and a cast of thousands. I didn’t particularly have any strong feelings going in on Wednesday. I really wasn’t expecting an ersatz Anarchy in the Arena for a main event, but that’s what AEW gave and we, a grateful community, received. Any match where Stokely Hathaway is utilized AS A HUMAN BATTERING RAM is okay by my book.

I think I’m on record as not really loving AitA type matches, simply because they are too sprawling, never shot particularly well and really turn into a collection of video game spots… but sometimes that sorta thing really hits you right in the Q ZONE. Last night was one of those; a seriously fun match with some inventive, breathtaking spots, and overall a fairly logical flow. Of course, the match had the Ring of Honor / Pro Wrestling Guerilla / every North American indie fed since roughly 2003 issue of maybe not peaking at the peak (the bad guys at one point all ran a train, hitting their various finishes on young Zachary Wentz which was this tremendously cool visual and I instantly said “whatever the finish is won’t be as cool as this.” It wasn’t) but that’s a fairly minor sin. My other TINY quibble would be that the Gates of Agony (and hey, let’s shout those cats out for a minute; they have improved SO MUCH in the past couple of years) should have had a stronger showing or even gone over if they are challenging for the New Japan tag team titles on Friday but the AEW audience at large probably isn’t too fussed about that.

The match saw the STOKE RAM, as I said before, vicious table spots, a fire extinguisher with Myron Reed-ference (and how fun would a singles match with Ricochet and Myron Reed be? You want a video game match? Give those two ten minutes to rip it up), a vacuum cleaner TAXED BEYOND FULL CAPACITY (seriously, the canister was gross and full of particulate dust. This was basically the scene in the hallway bathroom every Sunday at Casa de Convoy as the venerable Mrs Convoy angrily dumps out the contents of our vacuum’s filter), a Spanish Fly through a table (!), trash cans with SHOOT TRASH (ew) and probably a buncha other stuff my goldfish brain has already forgot. Basically an excuse for the good guys (Bucks, Rascalz, Jungle Boy Man Knife Enthusiast Jack Perry) to club together against the bad guys (the Demand and FTR) and have a party match. Stuff like this should really always be the opening match or the main event; such a great way to either get the juices flowing or get a tired crowd on their feet and easy, too; maybe not easy from a physical toll standpoint; the guys all worked hard and everyone suffered at least one brutal spot, but easy in that it’s such a lay up to enthrall the viewing audience.

I’m going to save my other talking point for the end as it’s still fermenting, still percolating in my mind and I want to do my typical right-brained stream of consciousness thing about it… so I guess that really leaves, in terms of big picture stuff, the verbal confrontation between Maxwell Jacob Friedman and Hangman Adam Page.

If you listen to the wind, the confrontation may STILL be going as I type this. It wasn’t BAD, exactly… I don’t know that it really solved the issues I had with it last week (why did Hangman go to the extreme without getting anything in return? Why was his first option the nuclear option?) and I still think they are setting themselves up for some upset fans unless Hangman is winning… but it was loooooooong, at least thirteen minutes.

In brief, MJF wanted a ridiculously one sided stip, where he could get away with anything, and Hangman would be (metaphorically) handcuffed in a 1-Way DQ match (which Kevin Knight accidentally revealed earlier. ooops). Hanger, of course, wanted the Texas Deathmatch. Max declared that he had a quarter (as Rich Guy TM, shouldn’t he have had a silver dollar or summat?) and they would flip for the stip. I’m no Nostradamus, but I was DMing a pal and I asked “is it a worked coin?” BEFORE the flip came out positive for Max. Any old head would have told you the same, I’m not so smart, but it just took FOREVER to get to this, and then forever for the aftermath. To his credit, Hangman demanded to inspect the coin, MJF refused until babyfaces spilled out and forced him to reveal the coin was rigged, and Tony Khan, World’s Fastest Wrestling Decision maker, said that since Max cheated, the match was now Texas Death. The end.

It took me maybe a minute to describe that to you. As I said before, in real time this strrrrrrretched for THIRTEEN minutes (at least), with Max calling the crowd potheads (I think I only just now got that it’s because they were in Denver, the Mile HIGH city. Oh, it is to LAFF), Hangman calling Max a piece of shit repeatedly and I dunno, neither guy really doing a lot in the way of justifying the ridiculous Cody stip (Max ALMOST mentioned him but reigned it in at the last second). I understand to some extent… Max and Hanger have had a number of matches and AEW likely wanted a way to add some stakes to a match we have seen several times before. It’ll probably work; AEW seems to be trending towards hotness right now, and the stip probably has caused more intrigue than it has concern or wariness. It’s been awhile since the last pay per view; this thing will probably draw.

I still think it’s dumb. Hangman is generally portrayed as being able to outthink wiley jerks like Max. Perhaps Page should have kidnapped Alicia Atout in order to get the stip he wanted? *wink* I still don’t get why Page feels the need to sacrifice the ability to challenge for the title again (“If I can’t beat a piece of shit like you, I don’t deserve to be champion” doesn’t really do it for me). I’m not going to indulge in the somersaulting, hoop jump through-ing fantasy booking so many seem to be clinging to to justify this in their minds (including booking the next four championship reigns before Hangman has to TURN HEEL to break the stip and regain the title having turned his back on what he believes in. WE ALREADY HAD THAT ARC)… I just hope that Page wins here or it’s going to cause a crash out amongst a subset of fans that AEW really doesn’t need right now.

All right. Mask off, get something off of my chest time. Dunno how long or vitriolic this will get so please bear with me.

I HATE the way AEW treats luchadores.

This isn’t a Jon Moxley rant; as I said last week, I have reached something of a detente with Mox (and his performances since dropping the men’s heavyweight title have been completely different to his work prior). It’s more just the general attitude. Tony Khan clearly trusts his coterie of luchadores to put on great matches with pretty much anyone, up and down the card… but I don’t think he trusts them any further than that. Bandido may, I say MAY be an exception to that, but even he has been fairly cooled off since even a couple of months ago (to be fair, I believe Bandidio has been nursing a thumb injury).

Pentagon Jr. and Rey Fenix don’t work for AEW any longer. They got bad advice from Konnan, yes. He got in their ears about glass ceilings and whatever else and Fenix, in particular, burned bridges on his way out of the promotion. Not a great look, to be sure. But can you tell me that AEW did EVERYTHING they could with Fenix? Look beyond injuries and such for a minute. Was there still meat on the bone with a possible Fenix single’s run? I believe the answer was “yes.”

Okay, that’s not a good enough example for you? Look at Komander, who they were actually giving a bit of a push to, or at least starting to. Guy was growing before our eyes into a more complete worker, really rising to the occasion, taking advantage of the opportunities set in front of him. He gets hurt. Comes back, and still looks to be good… and they have done SQUAT with him.

Not buying the connection with Komander and the crowd? I’ll see you one Komander and raise you one BEAST MORTOS. Yes, he’s a champion… in Ring of Honor. So what? This guy is BELOVED by the crowd wherever he goes, has good to great matches EVERY TIME HE’S PUT OUT THERE and what do they do with the guy? Jobber to the stars. The way they book Mortos is MALPRACTICE (see also Hechicero). THERE IS NO SHAME in being a carpenter, for being the guy who’s going to eat the pin every night. Mark Davis right now is doing a GREAT job making something of himself doing just that. BUT DOES IT ALWAYS HAVE TO BE THE LUCHADORES? Thanks for the great match, brother, one, two, three?

TK is a big wrestling dork (complimentary). I know he watched WCW Monday Night Nitro just as much as I did (remember, dude wanted to call this show TUESDAY NIGHT DYNAMITE, for Gotch’s sake), if not more so, with his little handmade graph paper, booking and plotting. He definitely got the same introduction to lucha the way millions of people did (to be fair, he was probably getting to enjoy the likes of Psicosis and Rey Mysterio Jr. even prior to that when ECW brought them in), through Monday Nitro and he definitely saw how the lucha guys would be used in WCW… always counted on to be the entertaining backbone of the show but never trusted to be more than that. Of all of the WCW tropes to repeat… why, oh why is the use of luchadores as underneath guys to EVERYONE ELSE one of them, especially when his biggest partner is no longer New Japan, but now CMLL, the only true remaining bastion of lucha libre left? I well and truly don’t get it. He’s had SOME good instincts (El Clon went from something that I was worried would be cheesy to frankly, something FASCINATING, a weirdo luchadore with no ability to exfoliate and yet does stuff I’ve NEVER seen before and I have watched lucha on and off for 25 years) but the luchadores, for the most part, can’t catch a break. Next up for all of them will be jobbing in rows, in bunches, to the highly overrated Andrade El Idolo as he inevitably gets the CMLL Heavyweight title (yes, yes, I realize CMLL gives zero fucks about that sort of thing). No matter how entertaining cannon fodder is, it’s still cannon fodder, and as much as we pretend wins and losses aren’t that important… they ARE important. Credibility counts and helps build a crowd connection. People like winners! If they like Mortos now, imagine if he picked up some wins here and there over some of the upper mid card dudes! I just think it’s a shame that the luchadores are largely treated as fancy enhancement talent.

Dopey rant aside, this was a strong Dynamite. Heel Swerve Strickland is great (as is the return of heel Prince Nana. “Shut up, fatboy!”). so much more natural and COMPELLING in the role and who knows, maybe he’s the key to the lame MJF / Hangman deal. We’ll see. GIVE ME A NEW EMBASSY. Lord knows we don’t need anymore OKADA DISCOURSE, but the smug jerkiness of heel Kazuchika Okada fills me with glee, even if I’m not happy that his feud with Konosuke Takeshita has been sort of back burnered (they are still building to it, just not as urgently as they were before). My heart goes out to the snake bitten Penelope Ford who appeared to get injured (again); hopefully things aren’t too bad for her. One thing I have to say, even if I haven’t loved everything about AEW since January, they are absolutely building up real life, demonstrable momentum and when they’re feeling good, the shows reflect that feeling.