La Zona Muerta

Sometimes, I feel like a right heel. Not because I “body shamed” one David Finlay earlier in the day (more on that later), not because of the litany of shortcuts I take regularly in order to make life one degree more tolerable, not because of my generally miserable demeanor but because AEW consistently presents us with the best wrestling TV show of all time, better even than my beloved Monday Night Nitro, with matches even Nitro couldn’t touch (and think of the top talent that lived THERE; AEW is BETTER and peaks HIGHER in ring than prime WCW)… but then they do the worst shit, and I sit here, bitching about it to YOU, dear reader. Dynamite was almost GREAT, like all time great last night… but. They serve you two, TWO referee distraction leading to interference finishes, BACK TO BACK, which is brutal booking malpractice on it’s own, and then they give us a completely bizarre, momentum killing worked press conference main event to cap off the show. Obviously, you can’t say the show was bad because of these things; in ring, this was a terrific show, but you just sort of flatten out the good vibes with dumb stuff like that, and having your last impression be that presser… ye gods.

Why bury the lede? Let me just skip to the end; the show was emanating from San Jose, California, so someone (I’m guessing his initials were M, J and F) thought maybe they could get the BIG DAWG, Big Dave Meltzer to come in for this corny press conference thing to help put over the Revolution main event; Maxwell Jacob Friedman versus Hangman Adam Page in a Texas Death March for the Men’s Heavyweight title. Dave, of course, is all but allergic to making stuff about himself and, while he was at the show (see below), he clearly declined to participate*.

It feels good (yeah)

So instead of a smart, tightly edited backstage “press confrence” pretape, we got some internet “reporter” type ne’er do wells and also rans doing the tired, awful, typical AEW press conference type questions.

Live. In front of an indifferent and uncaring crowd (and that’s NOT a knock on the crowd; this was a great crowd this week).

The questions were, powerful, hard hitting. “Hangman, are you looking for revenge?” “Hangman, is this match significant given it’s in California?” and the like. If Tony Khan had been out there, the next question would have been “Tony, AEW is very successful! To what do you attribute AEW’s great success?”

I hate these things, these faux questions asked by people who just want to hear themselves talk, in the ACTUAL AEW press conferences under normal circumstances. Having a compressed, miniature version of same be the MAIN EVENT, the go home angle on what was largely a very good show, ESPECIALLY in front of a easily bored crowd, was just DEATH, right up there with the infamous weigh in segment** and the even MORE infamous hamburger party***. Instead of buttoning up the weird MJF / Hangman Page angle, maybe sewing up the loose ends or clarifying what it means if Hangman were to lose (ie. could he still win the Owen Hart cup and challenge that way? How binding is his declaration? Does AEW have to stand by it just because he said it or is it now contractually bound?), we got these goofball softball fake “questions” and then a milquetoast brawl that Hangman Page took pretty much 100% of. I have said from the beginning that while the feud, the long-term rivalry makes sense (even if it isn’t the most exciting thing in the world), the stipulation (Hangman offered to never challenge again for the heavyweight title WITHOUT securing the Texas Death Match stip, which wasn’t added until later) doesn’t. Subsequent weeks didn’t really make it work, and a concise, tightly edited “press conference” could have answered a couple of questions like that and still got you to the supposedly interest enhancing brawl.

There was a way to deliver this idea without the self aggrandizing content creators and deadly dull, momentum halting fake-o presser.

This wasn’t it.

If you had asked me who was winning on Sunday prior to Dynamite, I would have said Hanger was winning. I think there are clues out there that would seem to indicate MJF might be taking some time away, so when they decided to do this rematch, they threw in this outlandish, purposeful throwback to the time Cody Rhodes declared the same thing. It’s safe to assume they wanted to drum up interest, increase some stakes in a match that, for AEW standards, we’ve seen fairly often, so POW, ill conceived stip. Now, after Hangman got the better of Max? I dunno. For all the talk of what a great wrestling mind MJF is and how he does the job when necessary, he doesn’t love looking weak on TV (some of you reading this know EXACTLY what I’m talking about). He looked pretty dang weak, here. If this was the other place, I’d say it assures he’s winning.

Of course, while adding the stip generated a LOT of talk, I’m not certain it was the RIGHT kind of talk. Frankly, it seemed to generate more panic and concern than “interest.” I’m sure the buyrate will be good; the show is already sold out at the venue several days early. There IS interest… but will we say the same next Wednesday if they do something “cute” and Hanger doesn’t come through on his promise?

*waves hand in a noncommittal, so-so fashion*

And don’t get me started on explaining to younger folks the problem with babyfaces not coming through on promises. There are genuinely younger wrestling fans who don’t want to hear about broken stips and dumb babyfaces and audiences who give up. Look, I hate being WRESTLESPLAINED to as much as anyone, but some of us have simply seen a LOT of wrestling and can cite precedent. I don’t want to be the old head wrestling ogre who can’t accept new things, but… history isn’t something to be afraid of, folks.

AEW often falls flat when they get “cute.” I hope Page simply wins without some “cute” idea. If he loses…? They better have the most airtight story of all time lined up.

While I’m in nitpicking dick mode (am I ever not in said mode), I may as well continue on, here. I don’t know if AEW has an agenting problem, a booking problem or a fucking lazy “we need to get out of this high profile match” problem, but two GREAT matches last night, one especially good, both had the exact same finish. Back to back. One, right after the other. The referee was distracted, the heel benefited from in one case, an eye poke, in the other, a belt shot. Again, BACK TO BACK. Bad enough that they did this twice, but they couldn’t even space it out!

If I were the promoter, and my booker “booked” this, I’d be having a serious talk with them. There’s conflicting information as to whether Dynamite has production meetings (let that info “conflict” no longer; they do); but you mean to tell me NO ONE mentioned in the back that the first two big matches on the show had THE SAME FUCKING INTERFERENCE ASS BULLSHIT FINISH?

If you can’t have a conclusive finish… maybe don’t book the match.

I can’t let that take away from how GREAT the Speedball Mike Bailey / Kyle Fletcher match was, and you folks know I’m not a big Bailey guy (a great man may or may have not called him a “French Canadian puke” last week and may or may not have pointed out that he would be likely to get ringworm due to his gross, bare feet this week). Something that added to the greatness of the match was one pinch-hitting announcer Ian Riccaboni, a truly nice chap who’s generally a bit too close to the shout-y Mauro Ranallo type announcer for my personal tastes, but tonight, he was ON IT. Bailey delivered a truly wicked looking poisonrana (an inverted head scissors takeover) from the top rope to Fletcher and instead of merely.calling the move, Riccaboni shouted “Bailey is POISON from the top rope!” which was a fucking excellent, GOOSEBUMP WORTHY call for an excellent move. It’s one of those things where when the engines of wrestling synergize, wrestling is truly unlike anything else, and delivers on a higher level than anything else can.

I’m never gonna be “move list guy,” as I find that sort of recap dull, and let’s face it, you probably watched part at least part of the show unless you enjoy living vicariously through my stream of consciousness recap (there are a couple of you, believe it or not), but there was one other move in this match I wanted to call out and praise Bailey for; at one point, Fletcher hurled (obviously you can no longer use the term “yeeted” due to it being co-opted by drunks the competition) Bailey face first into a turnbuckle. Basically, that’s a move you pretty much have to take, no matter what, just due to the way causality works, but to make it look extra good, Bailey sort of tucked his chin to the side and it looked like for all the world that his neck folded like a dummy into a Volvo crumple zone in a crash test. Beautiful stuff. Kyle Fletcher may also have hit the best single Michinoku Driver (a move where you take you open on your shoulders and, spinning them, you drive them into the mat) I have ever seen outside of it being performed by the move’s innovator, one Taka Michinoku. This was like Taka working in 1997 Michinoku Pro, just a devastating move. Fletcher is UNREAL in how good he is, and he only has room to get BETTER. That just makes Bailey needing to be “protected” by the dumb referee distraction horseshit all the more frustrating.

Let’s do some quick bullet points:

• Konosuke Takeshita took one more step towards THE BIG TURN OF ’26, but since I wrote about this EXTENSIVELY last year as the Big Turn of TWENTY FIVE, and the trigger was never pulled, whatever I have to say about the matter can probably be safely discounted. They are doing the story, the man himself and the fans a real disservice if Takeshita doesn’t win on Sunday but who knows at this point. Urgency in AEW is a very skewed concept; either stuff takes forever and misses the peak, or is done far too fast (see Kevin Knight presumably joining Swerve Strickland)
• Speaking of Swerve, he did a cute little thing where he attacked Brody King from the crowd in WWE’s favorite camouflage; a black hoodie (and the nice touch of using King’s own balaclava / mask). They gave King here an awesome strong man spot; Swerve was trying to choke him with his signature chain, but much like KRS-One, King was able to BREAK THE CHAIN and trigger a sudden bout of chicken shit-itis in good old Swerve. Prince Nana HEROICALLY tried to save his boss, to no avail. That’s a tough match to call; I say here constantly that Swerve loses too much, but Swerve loses because he’s a guy who they can beat; he’ll get his heat back, and King is on the come up. You’d think they want Swerve to be saved for an eventual Kenny Omega return… realistically, how many more high profile matches will he still have in the tank? You’d think they would want a rematch as one of them
• Boy, Hechicero can’t BUY a win. I hope the intention is to give him the CMLL Heavyweight title, because I am sick of him being beat like a drum. He, of course, was the recipient of the other dumb distracted ref finish. He nice to is one of the most adept wrestlers I’ve ever seen; able to easily incorporate his style into American TV wrestling and even if a move doesn’t land or doesn’t look right, he has the ability to make it look real, anyway. What a valuable guy to have
• Persephone might be a bit of a… hidden gem is the wrong term, but boy, buy stock in her. She’s so young and good for the experience level. She BEAT Mercedes Moné for the CMLL Feminil Title (or whichever one it is) so I might have given some thought to Persephone going over, here, but obviously Willow Nightingale is beloved and it’s too early to beat her, I suppose. She managed to hurk up Willow, a much larger woman, a couple of times and the match itself was hard hitting. More, please!
• I don’t really have a strong feeling in regards to FTR and the Young Bucks. I assume the Bucks are winning but I’m not especially invested either way. I’m sure the match will be good. Can it be great? FTR have never been better, so…
• Tommaso “Synchronicity” Ciampa immediately turning heel… he’s better as a heel, and obviously there was no chance of him being booed when he first arrived, so saving the heel turn made sense… but it was like a month in! Just so soon and then the turn itself was SHOT FOR SHOT the same thing he did when he turned heel on Johnny Gargano in NXT. I’m sure people think that’s an awesome callback; I think its lazy and boring. It took TWO YEARS to build up that turn… here it was slightly over two weeks. Another example of the urgency knob being somewhat askew in AEW. Between that and Goldie Silvie, its just the greatest hits from NXT and it STINKS. I really hope his hetero lifemate Gargano doesn’t CROSS THE LINE to come join him, but they are beating him like a drum in the other place, so I half expect YET ONE MORE HEARTBEAT
• Roderick Strong gave me the fright of the night as he teased joining the War Dogs. I wanted him to turn on Orange Cassidy (evil heel that I am) but NOT LIKE THAT. He SHOULD be a Death Rider. Oh, well. Mrs Convoy was SCREAMING “TURN ANYWAY” at the screen after he chased the Dogs off

Okay. Speaking of the Dogs; let’s get to my own, personal heel turn.

A friend was espousing disbelief yesterday in a public forum that David Finlay managed to get hired (after a month of no interest, lest none of us forget), and I co-signed, saying Finlay was nothing special in the ring, didn’t have an especially good body, had no charisma, and (as I said here last week) only really has being the last leader of Bullet Club as any real point of distinction.

This was a bridge too far for some folks, and I was taken to task for body shaming.

Body shaming, for saying he didn’t have a particularly good body. Which he doesn’t.

Have you SEEN what Clark Connors looks like?

I suppose I got flak for that because usually I don’t really go in on the wrestlers’ appearances other than to note when people are clearly, um… getting in shape for WrestleMania All In season. I’m sure I’ve made fun of Chris Jericho for being out of shape (and put him over for that six months where he came back from a still undisclosed illness and he actually looked a lot better and was suddenly able to hit his moves like the Lionsault because he was carrying less weight).

Maybe I should have said Finlay didn’t have a particularly distinctive LOOK instead of kind of knocking his body, but frankly, what I said was mild, especially compared to what people in some of the places I hang out have said about the guy. If that’s “body shaming,” it’s NOTHING compared to ACTUAL body shaming. I should know; my whole life I’ve been (un)charitably described as “husky,” always carrying a little bit too much weight, with a big butt and hips that can only really be described as “child bearing.” Used to be somewhat to my benefit as that’s where all my power was on the leg press machine, but I’ve always been that little bit too heavy, even when I worked out heavily and walked everywhere and I have received plenty of flak over it over the years. Did YOUR childhood best friend / crush ever see you in a muscle shirt and say “gee, normally you should have muscles if you’re going to show off?” No?

It’s safe to say now, that, in my dotage, I’m just plain FAT. It is what it is, and I’m not saying that gives me a license to run around and call people FAT to their faces… but that isn’t what I did. I poked fun at a wrestler I don’t like to a friend. I know what ACTUAL body shaming is, the hurt it causes. I suspect the disconnect here is a generational thing, but… look. If we can’t comment on the wrestlers’ physiques, that’s absolutely ridiculous. They are public facing performers who display their bodies in various states of undress. That doesn’t mean everyone has to be the same, jacked boring create a wrestler body type (far from it! I love stout, stocky wrestlers, and the record will show that), but some people but more care into their physical presentation than others do. Take a look at Andy “Butcher” Williams’ recent transformation! If you haven’t seen him in awhile, you’ll be gobsmacked.

I also think it’s funny that what raised the ire in my “attack” on Finlay wasn’t knocking his in ring (although some people did take that as an opportunity to list all of his “great” matches and then it was simply a list of New Japan Pro Wrestling’s best wrestlers, and you can’t help but laugh) or his (lack of) charisma, both of which were frankly meaner than saying he didn’t have a particularly good body, but whatever. Obviously, I muted and moved on, but the encounter clearly left a bad taste in my mouth, so I will take a small amount of responsibility, commensurate to what I think my “crime” was. I’ll TRY to refrain from making similar comments in the future, not that it’s typically an avenue of attack I usually use, but… Not everything is worth going to the mat over, especially a fairly mild comment like the one I made in jest to a friend. THE WRESTLERS ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS. YOU DON’T NEED TO JUMP ON EVERY GRENADE TOSSED THEIR WAY. I’m allowed to not like a wrestler for any reason I choose, and that includes appearance, vibes or whatever tickles (or fails to tickle) my fancy.

So, are we buying Revolution? Yeah, sure. It’s back to being broadcast on a Sunday night so be PREPARED for the “too long” discourse on Monday. It’s coming, and it’s coming for us all as people struggle to find real criticism. I just hope AEW doesn’t provide anyone with the ammo themselves; a horribly overbooked main event could really hurt the momentum AEW has carefully built over the past two months.

*Dave, of course, does work the actual pressers and is occasionally actually present for them. Paul Heyman used to do cute, fake little “press conferences” in ECW and would name drop Dave, GLADE YELLER, etc., pretending they were there. Will Ospreay once famously played a recording of Dave from Observer Radio saying that Ospreay needed to slow down or he would end up seriously hurt or worse at a New Japan presser. And, of course, WWE can barely go a week without mentioning Dave and how not gotten to they are by him in some fashion

**One of the worst segments in AEW history, Cody Rhodes and Anthony Ogogo had a faux weigh in, hosted by the highly clueless Big Show Paul Wight. The scale either broke or Wight simply didn’t understand how to operate it, so time stood still as he messed with the scale ENDLESSLY. No one was smart enough to simply PRETEND the scale worked and just give worked weights, so the segment was NEVER ENDING. Some say, if you hold your ear up to the wind on a quiet night, you might STILL hear this segment continuing

***The only thing possibly worse than the weigh in was Britt Baker’s infamous championship celebration where she teased giving the crowd hamburgers to celebrate her victory, but LOL, she was a heel, so she, uh *checks notes* kept all the burgers for herself, Reba (not Rebel. Much love to her, by the way) and poor, emasculated Tony Skeeavone. Nyla Rose came out and, uh, in a fit of pique, knocked the burgers over, ending Britt’s burger tyranny. It took me thirty seconds to type that, but this horrible, unfunny segment lasted probably roughly thirty hours, give or take a day