La Zona Muerta

I could write paragraphs, COLUMN INCHES about the difference between wrestlers using sand for a dumb, crooked finish and wrestling MANAGERS using powder or salt since time immemorial but I get tired of wrestlesplaining or being wrestlesplained to, so we can table that. A plea from ship to shore and all points east; I try to not tell people what they should think. I actively avoid doing that, actually, at least I try to. It would be NICE if I could be afforded that same courtesy.

Besides, Kenny Omega is the world champion again, we all get to avoid dirt rotten “Cody stipulation discourse” (thank the maker) and for awhile, everything is alright with the world.

Well, to a degree. Laugh so you don’t cry and all that.

It was a good match, even a great one. The last five minutes were DEFINITELY great. I think the heat (actual heat, not wrestling heat) and humidity probably made things a little dangerous, a little unsure, but that’s what can happen when you do an outdoor show in the good, ol’ summertime. The closing stretch saw Kenny boot Maxwell Jacob Friedman into the announcers’ desk (a potentially dangerous and spectacular bump that looked less spectacular each time they showed it and exposed how it worked). MJF retaliated with a top rope poisonrana (just DISGUSTING, a picture perfect head drop), the Heatseeker (I am reliably informed Max HAS been using that as a finish, contrary to what I said here last week) and some various shenanigans and bric a brac. Max tried to use the title belt as a foreign object and got caught out by the ref, but in the “confusion,” fished out the Dynamite Diamond Ring from his trunks. Will Ospreay intervened*, removing the ring from Max’ hand. Kenny picked up the belt but did the AEW babyface “oh God, I am so conflicted” thing in regards to using a foreign object as the crowd chanted “do it” and “hit him.” Of course, this crowd was ALSO split between chanting for Kenny and Max, and this after Max called them incestual racists, so take their cat calls with a grain of… sand. Thanks, I hate it. Ultimately, Kenny did NOT cheat when he had the opportunity to do so, but his mercy allowed Max to hit a low blow, anyway. Max rolled him up but Kenny kicked out on ONE, maybe even less than one. From there; it was all Kenny, all CLEANER, all BEST BOUT MACHINE. Three V-Triggers, and a One Winged Angel. One, two, three.

Kenny’s endless, stupid, curly hair proved too great a challenge for me to overcome on the digital canvas, despite drawing him at least two or three times before so he gets the ol’ Bon Jovi, instead. Take that, Cleaner

Was this as good as the pay per view match? Probably not, but this was a wonderful TV match, with a cathartic title change. You could always shave a few minutes off of these things… but that’s nitpicking. What’s more interesting is where we do go from here. Well, Wembley, duh, but like what does this mean for the Revolution build?

No idea.

Could they do a quickie title defense? Sure. With whom? Not sure. Could you run Jon Moxley, to name a name? Yeah, I suppose. A spectre from Kenny’s past? Maybe. Konosuke Takeshita just lost tonight but could he theoretically lose up for a title shot? With some hand waving, I guess, but there would be some teeth-gnashing (plus he’s off to GEE ONE it). It would probably make sense to put some sort of exclamation point on Kenny’s multi-year feud with Don Callis and his Family, but they made sure Don played second fiddle tonight to Mick Foley’s shoes.

Of course I’m not kidding.

It would be pretty punk to have no title match headlining two pay per views in a row. They have to field SOMETHING, right?

At any rate, Kenny looked good. Honestly, I think he looks healthier than he has in awhile, not so thick in the midsection. Seems to be moving well. A night like tonight where everyone is MOIST might not be the best time to judge all that, of course… but I am confident Kenny can be the Kenny of old when he and Ospreay fight in front of forty thousand (or however many) people in August. I think his failing health has likely been more storyline than reality, given the fervor with which we habitually online folks worry about his state of being.

And what about Max?

I hope he takes some time away (I don’t think he will, but hope springs eternal). I have wanted that for a WHILE, now; Max needs to retool, to freshen up the act. I think he’s up for the challenge, at least I hope that he is. The question is does HE think he needs to refresh? An easy direction for him, of course, would be running afoul of a returning Hangman Adam Page, but who knows. I think that AEW is in Virginia next week…

This was the kind of Dynamite where, since everyone was high on the ending, they sort of retroactively dubbed this to be an all time great episode. I dunno; it was fine, probably better than fine. The only other real match of note was the bout between the aforementioned Takeshita and Kyle Fletcher. Fletcher ended up picking up the dub, probably unsurprisingly, since the G1 beckons. I’m a little chagrined, not necessarily because Takeshita lost but more because I feel like Kyle is now slotted back at a certain level, when I want him and Takeshita in the upper echelon. Having Mick Foley come out and ramble about his stupid shoes didn’t really help anyone, certainly didn’t make Fletcher look like a star for rubbing elbows with a legend or anything. Kevin Knight gave Fletcher a hard time about FINALLY getting gold as well and it’s like… so we’re back to tension within the DCF? You just shed Takeshita and the human catchphrase machine, Andrade Il Idolo… Is this the direction? If so, I’d have rather Kyle turned face when his work husband was exiled. It’s not THAT big of a deal, but I have residual wrestling PTSD and, let’s be REALLY hand on heart honest… I don’t trust a great deal of AEW’s ability to provide compelling follow up. The match itself was good; they left some stuff in the chamber for next time. Well, that and the fact that it was apparently 90 something st the venue, hotter under the lights and super humid. Beautiful best boy Takeshita depoofed quickly as the match continued, and I think the heat may have sapped the both of them a bit. Fletch picked up the win with the DANGEROUS~! corner brainbuster, which seems fairly appropriate this week.

Tomasso Ciampa won his blood feud with Chris Jericho via checks notes bucket of sand. I declared this a SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT FINISH in the language of my forefathers, but was shouted down**, so… I concede. Instead, I’ll just say it was kinda dumb. Is that okay? I can easily imagine Jericho and Ciampa high fiving each other backstage, patting themselves on the back for getting the crowd with such a COOL FINISH. Crowd seemed to like it, so what the fuck do I know. Boy, they REALLY want to make you think Ciampa is gonna perforate Jericho with a power drill. They aren’t gonna gimmick something up for the pay per view, are they?

Jungle Boy Man Jack Perry re-signed with the company (I genuinely don’t think there was any doubt. I realize they used Powerhouse Hobbes up until the end, but he was a champion and they presumably wanted him and his team to drop the belts before BYE BYE. This guy has shown up with the Elite the last few weeks and still gets vignettes and such). I guess that’s good if only to nip the dumb discourse in the bud, especially from certain commentators who kept MAKING sure you knew Jack hadn’t reupped, even as recently as a day ago. I’m fairly jungle agnostic either way. Oh, and we unlocked some lore (TM); Luchasaurus was allegedly PERSONALLY ASKED by LUKE PERRY to watch over his son. Huh.

The Women’s Casino Thingiemajobaroo wasn’t much… except for the fact that the mighty THEKLA was completely unhinged on commentary. Just a wonderful, delightful madwoman. This is how great Thekla is; the horrid stuff she says makes my wife, known women hater, CACKLE. Thekla talked about wanting to motorboat Mina Shirakawa (!), and how wrestling her is like wrestling a blow up doll (!!), how the last time she was in a casino, she had a grand old time with a stripper in her lap, so she liked this casino… thing, how her former stablemate RINA wasn’t totally a “dumb bitch,” so she hoped they were still cool and surprisingly, she may be the best stable leader ever as she seems genuine when she says she would welcome one of her dumb lackeys winning the Gauntlet so they can “beat the crap out of each other.” She offered Tony Schiavone a drink that would “put hair on his chest” and intimated that the returning Willow Nightingale FAKED HER INJURY, something a certain woman in my living room may or may not have said when Willow made her (not so) shocking return. “Wow, there are a lot of dumb bitches in the ring right now. It’s like a dumb bitch battle royale.” Whatever they pay her, it’s not enough.

They actually did some neat stuff to connect all of the main women’s programs; the Devine Dominion attacked Thekla’s dumb subordinates, Thekla attacked Willow, and Mercedes Moné attacked Thekla… AND Willow. Neat little bit of business, there.

Mox and Ospreay had a fun little match with the WorkHorsemen (29 matches on Dynamite in four years, Schiavone cheerfully supplied. I’m not certain that makes anyone look good) and, miracle of miracles, Ospreay hit a GODDAMNED STYLES CLASH on the rather stout JD Drake. I screamed out loud.

So yeah; a good Dynamite with a GREAT ending. They didn’t set up a lot for the pay per view, save Willow getting a shot at Thekla, but I suspect that will evolve into Willow and friends versus Thekla and co. versus Divine Dominion and Mercedes or some permutation thereof. They cut off Kenny’s post win celebration (what, did they run out of satellite time or something?), so yeah, right now we don’t know what his direction is other than towards the Old World (there will always be an England, an Ireland and a France). It sucks that part of me feels the need to hold AEW at arm’s length after a night where Kenny won the title… but if Max was willing to do business, this should have happened in May and Kenny could have spent the summer rebuilding his resume, so to speak, to get ready for Will.

Ignore me. My best friend is currently climbing up to my window via a ladder to crawl through it. They probably need me to explain how a particular stip or match type works. AGAIN.

*They actually set this up earlier in the show with a promo battle and pull apart between Ospreay and Max, which was pretty well done, all things considered. Nice little touch, and even cast a tiny bit of doubt on the finish, since Max and Ospreay have heat. Empty headed puppy dog man Ospreay even held his own on the mic, so good for him

**I was wrestlesplained to that declaring something a SEF was more for wacky run ins, bullshit and such and again, I’m willing to concede… but to MY way of thinking… this FINISH was more SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT, the thing Jericho is admittedly into, than wrestling. Of course I understand this is to continue the feud, not end it