La Zona Muerta

We are at that part of the weekly AEW discourse where jerks are making (some) good points but in insufferable fashion, the defense force is out in full force and mad YOU might not be into the PPV since this is a weird cycle, diehards are telling you why a LITANY of WWE people coming in is GOOD ACTUALLY™, and normal people like just wanna watch the show, you know?

Sounds like a pay per view week, amirite.

Sigh.

Let’s move through this quickly. It is well over ninety degrees here, probably no less than 150 here in my shitty apartment (THAT’S EGG POACHING WEATHER) and I’m gonna have to do this all again later this week.

I was gonna rant about how AEW needs to deliver a strong go home here because of the weirdly spaced out PPV cycle but Darby Allin and Kevin Knight are OBLITERATING each other in the first match of Wednesday Dynamite, just KILLING each other in a clash of bodies and ideology. BEAUTIFUL. Darby is a man of unusual resilience; I would have SWORN ON A STACK OF G1 TRANSFORMERS INSTRUCTION BOOKLETS (largely the only texts I hold holy. Wellll, maybe my “Judo” Gene LeBell MOVEZ manual that shows one how to apply the DOUBLE OUCH. THAT is a HOLY TEXT) that Darby suffered a concussion last week. Knight and Darby are the only two guys who shift DOWN a gear during a match, not because they are lazy shitters, but because the beginning of the match looked like the opening to some wild shounen battle anime. Obviously Knight had to win, hitting the Coast to Coast (the DISGUSTING Coast to Coast, just the greatest version of the move I’ve ever seen) and his awesome UFO, but this isn’t it for the two of these guys; I assume Darby will somehow fuck Knight over in the match against Kenny Omega on Sunday, and lead Darby and Kevin to some sort of escalation. Maybe the explode-y kind. (And would it kill someone in AEW to tweak how they film Knight’s amazing Coast to Coast? He does it better than any wrestler I’ve ever seen, but they way they film it, it’s difficult to tell. Maybe like show him going FROM ONE CORNER OF THE RING TO THE OTHER).

AEW built upon the Don Callis Family tension here (not SEXUAL tension, not that Don would probably mind) by sending out PROTOKADA whilst Knight was starting his celebration in ring (and the rest of the Fam during commercial). Knight is already teasing the break (please let me be right about him hooking up with Swerve) with the Family; Fletcher and Knight are trying to one up each other in regards to NOT using the crutch of the expected outside interference (which seems to be the new hotness).

Protokada remained behind after the Knight / Fletcher drama to clash with Brody King and Bandido in a preview of Fletcher and Bandido’s match for Sunday. This seems like a HOT show so far. This was a HEATED match; the closing stretch saw Okada accidentally (?) hit Fletcher with the Rainmaker, and Bandido managed to hit the alternate, better version of the 21 Plex for the won. Really good stuff, and the whole DCF situation is on the boil. This is why you have a zillion men in it, so you can do fun stuff like this; various conflicting loyalties ping ponging against a bunch of alpha male egos. Loyal ride or die MARK DAVIS came to check on Fletcher’s condition as Fletcher yelled at Okada for costing them the match. Okada is back to doing his “I’M SO SORRY” disingenuous bit. Good stuff.

No, I repeat, NO amount of video packages will make me anticipate THE PAINMAKER.

I refuse to talk about Mick “no, Melina really was my friend” Foley and the DIRT ROTTEN promo segment with Thekla and Willow Nightingale where Willow had to, uh… fight for Mick’s honor? Weird and unpleasant.

Jay White (and his coterie of midcard tryhard dorks) and Clark Connors had a strangely heatless match, especially since the crowd had been so riled up until then. Guess those lame video packages of dogs and neutering didn’t do the trick, huh? Yet another example of the stuff people squee about online not really hitting in the arena. PLEASE AIRLIFT SWEET JAY WHITE OUT OF THIS MIDCARD HELL. The most notable thing here was how TIGHT Clark Connors’ pants were. EXCUSE ME. ARE THOSE WORKED LEATHER PANTS YOU’RE WEARING? WE THOUGHT SO.

Shout out to Skye Blue (from this blog? Perish the thought) for loving to run the razor nearly as much as Jon Moxley.

Returning to that heatless Jay White match, I guess we are getting a double chain match with Jay, probably extra lame Juice Robinson and THE DAWGS on Sunday. THAT’LL PUT BUTTS IN SEATS, to (not) coin a phrase.

And here we are already; the main event. Kenny Omega, Will Ospreay and Jon Moxley in an unlikely team up against the Don Callis Family (Jake Doyle, Brian “yummy penis” Cage* and YO SOY HECHICERO). The show actually began with Ospreay teasing Kenny about being old and winded. DO THEY WANT OSPREAY GETTING BOOED AT WEMBLEY? They may be counting a bit too much on countryman fealty.

PLEASE GREAT GOTCH IN THE SKY, DON’T LET HECHICERO EAT THE PIN, HERE.

Was this a great match? I mean, it was fine. Good, even. But this Ospreay / Death Riders thing is beginning to be a drag. Ospreay’s main attribute other than his wrestling prowess is his empty headed, puppy dog likeability, and they are kind of negating that over the past few weeks as Moxley whispers sweet cult indoctrination speeches in his ear and Ospreay LADS IT UP. JUST ME AND TH’ LADS, INNIT, GUV’NOR. Like, why would I want to see this guy interrupt what AEW and Kenny himself keep referring to as Kenny’s last run? There were some fun malfunction at the junction spots, and a cute thing where Kenny REALLY struggle with needing to tag in Mox. They seem to be setting up Kenny versus Moxley in parallel to all this Death Rider / Ospreay stuff. Who knows, maybe we are all in for a big swerveski.

Hechicero ate the pin, of course, because GOTCH HATES ME. The glass ceiling is real, and it has a stained glass mural of Salvador Lutteroth built in.

I have to write about the PPV somewhere between Sunday and Monday, obviously, so I don’t feel like waxing poetic until the sun comes up for THIS particular show. If I wasn’t writing dope-y columns for you, LA PUBLICA, I think I might well sit this show out. Dynamite was fine, the PPV will be fine, but AEW has only itself to blame for making us expect EXCELLENCE every time out of the gate. If the buy rate doesn’t set the world on fire, maybe that’s an indication that you can’t just drop a show in without much in the way of build or thought… and maybe you don’t suddenly do the big title change on free TV.

* Don’t flip up your sunglasses at ME, Kadeem Hardison; his WIFE said that in a wrestling Twitter meltdown that will never be forgotten until the heat death of the universe