La Zona Muerta

Despite a week of teased returns and accusations of AI slop and peculiar match ups causing yet more intense feelings…

…AEW only went and put on not only the best post pay per view Dynamite, maybe ever, but maybe one of the best Dynamites ever, period. Certainly one of the best CROWDS ever; 3,500 Detroit sickos coming out in full force (except when they cheered Jon Moxley over my beloved Komander; fuck you, Detroit) who were hot throughout the show, cheered the right things (mostly) and booed the right things (definitely). A hot crowd makes a big difference. And hey, if you wanted to view this episode as a giant mea culpa for the lackluster PPV (“but it was a seven point five out of ten!” I hear the strawmen cry under the devil’s sky), then who am I to stop you?

There are still some pieces on the board conspicuous by their absence (Hangman is back, but what is he doing for Wembley? What is Swerve Strickland doing for Wembley? What is… sigh… Maxwell Jacob Friedman doing for Wembley?) but for the most part, we have the women’s title main event sorted and cooking, the tag team titles sorted and cooking, the men’s heavyweight title… if not sorted, then they made a valiant attempt… so that’s the upper half of your card right there. You throw in a dumb multi person gauntlet or two (hopefully NOT two, that was a real detriment last year) and a couple of other hot programs… maybe a Thekla against an outsider, maybe a flippy do SPOTS match… you got yourself a stew goin’.

That isn’t to say there wasn’t stuff to nitpick. Christian said something that if WILL OSPREAY had said it, the side of the internet I reside on would have burned down. There were a couple of peculiar match ups (but one of the matches was fine, and the other turned out way better than it sounded on paper). Jay White may or may not have been hurt again (and special message to everyone who gave me a hard time about “bodyshaming” David Finlay… he sucks and you can get bent). Mick Foley is still creeping around (but at least he was barred from interacting with women this week, probably via restraining order). Luchadores are still treated as pin eaters in AEW, and not potential champions. But again, beyond that sort of stuff…

…this episode rocked.

Look, they have a bit of a difficult road (one they have completely made more difficult for themselves) in regards to adding too many layers to the Kenny Omega / Will Ospreay rivalry. I do think they made an absolutely HERCULEAN effort here in trying to pull that particular plane up from it’s seeming nose dive, especially Kenny (although Will did FINE for his part; better certainly than his sub panto ACTING the past couple of weeks). Kenny laid his point of view on everything out EXTREMELY rationally, being annoyed that Ospreay was giving HIM pep talks, being annoyed Ospreay joined the Death Riders, coming to and seeing conflicted Ospreay EMOTING about using the plastic bag in his hands… he SHOWED Ospreay how he FELT about all that by applying the One Winged Angel to his BRAIN. Ospreay copped to coming back too early, copped to LIKING BEING A DEATH RIDER (I think that’s quite interesting) but swore he wouldn’t have led Kenny into a Death Rider trap. Was Kenny right all along? Jon Moxley (they showed footage of him and the DRs watching Kenny “turn” on Ospreay and Mox saying “see? I was right!”)? This was actually fairly compelling, if a bit drawn out / repetitious.** Kenny started SLAPPING THE SPIT out of Ospreay’s mouth until Ospreay reared back with a slap of his own and NEARLY hit Kenny with the Hidden Blade, but Kenny bailed out. Ospreay, SEETHING, said that the hopes of an ENTIRE COUNTRY were on his back (let’s ignore the fact that the particular ENTIRE COUNTRY in question will still like Kenny), then he said something incomprehensible to Americans about soccer or summat. Okay. At any rate, it’s now the best versus the best at Wembley… a friendship sundered but pride on the line, which is probably what this should have been all along, and most of all… OSPREAY IS NO LONGER AFRAID TO PULL THE TRIGGER. A needed course correction, one that doesn’t QUITE tie everything in a bow… I mean, we have seen the Ospreay “will he, won’t he” stuff already… and this still doesn’t reconcile Ospreay being so dumb and susceptible to the DR rhetoric (it would have been better if Ospreay revealed he had been USING the DRs, IMO)… but overall it felt like the course correction made sense, especially with Kenny’s performance (again, not to underplay that Ospreay did much better here than he has of late). Would I have preferred a… let’s be nice and say… a less circuitous path to Wembley? Yes, yes, a THOUSAND TIMES YES… but I’m willing to cut them a BIT of slack. For now.

This still leaves us with the questions of what the fuck are the Death Riders, and what the fuck are they doing? Obviously Moxley is being set up to challenge Ospreay in the post All In world… but my guys Danny Garcia and Wheeler YUTA, while they are funny heels who take a lot of good banana peel pratfalls, aren’t really GOING anywhere. PAC is a glorified pin eater when those two aren’t available, and that chafes; he’s too good to be in that role. Mox is one day a valiant, honorable warrior, the next a cult leader, and the next a cheating douchebag, ranting about being judged by the “morality police.” A WEE DRAM OF CONSISTENCY WOULD BE NICE.

It’s rare that I would write about two talking segments in a row… but let’s contrast this with the OTHER big promo segment on the show; Willow Nightingale’s Championship Celebration. Putting aside the fact that BRANDING a promo segment like this is yucky (why couldn’t it simply have been “We hear from Willow Nightingale… tonight!”)… get the simplicity here, the difference.

Willow comes out, to a groundswell of applause and specially made signs. She gets genuinely emotional and choked up. She thanks everyone and points out that she has been given advice from her mother to never stay down, to always get up and fight for your dreams. Mercedes Moné comes out to crash the party. Mercedes points out that everywhere she goes in AEW, Willow is standing in her way. She presents a contract for Willow to sign for Wembley. Willow signs it ON Mercedes and gives her a piece of her mind rather forcefully. Moné summons help from the Divine Dominion and they lay Willow out. The Brawling Birds, having heat with the Dominion, save the day. That sets up THEIR match, too.

SEE HOW SIMPLE THAT WAS?

Not only that, since the Detroit crowd was so GREAT; they didn’t fifty fifty the women. They BOOED Mercedes because she is the scripted, overbearing heel, and they CHEERED Willow because she is the plucky babyface following her dreams and presumably crying real tears because she is so proud of her accomplishment. It can be REALLY simple, and therefore, very REWARDING, if you let it.

I guess we have to back up and start from the beginning. Dynamite started with an angry and terse Ospreay arriving to the building, in this little tunnel deal, where he found himself surrounded by the Death Riders (and heel announcer Renee Paquette, setting him up for the trap. ONE DAY, I WILL BE VINDICATED, AND YOU WILL REALIZE SHE IS THE TRUE VILLAIN). Garcia started mouthing off and got DESTROYED with an Ospreay elbow (which goes to sort of prove what I was saying earlier. We will come back to Ospreay and Danny). PAC wanted to MURDER OSPREAY WITH HIS THOUGHTS, but Moxley held him back and said some cryptic mumbo jumbo. Ospreay turned in his little Death Riders patch (“you can take this job and re-staff it!”) and stormed past them three steps only to run into a surprisingly chipper Hangman Adam Page. Page offered to have Ospreay’s back, and Will had to turn him down (which was actually fairly reasonable for Ospreay, who is generally depicted as a naive dumb dumb). Hangman Page stared into the middle distance for some reason.

There was… despite my antipathy for two of the combatants, what I would have to classify as a hot opener with Andrade, Jack Perry and Young Nick Wayne. This was just a fun spot fest, but hey, GO FOR IT. Start shows off with this sort of crazy shit. Yes, Andrade is annoying with his own personal “YEET,” but what can you do? This was puzzling in that Perry and Wayne both lost the National six way ladder dealie, but they immediately get shots at Andrade’s belt? And why was this a three way? Answers on a postcard. It wouldn’t be the only puzzling match on Dynamite, but it was good in ring, so right on.

Then, to keep the crowd running hot, a trios bout featuring the Don Callis Family (Brian Cage, Jake Doyle and Kyle Fletcher) against Brody King, Bandido and Speedball Mike Bailey). Prior to the match, Fletcher got to shut down Kevin Knight since Fletcher won and Knight lost at the . One day, mark my words, these two will be fighting on top for the world title. Whomever timed out this episode did a good job keeping the crowd hot and hungry. Speedball got the perhaps somewhat unbelievable pin on the hulking, three times his size Doyle, but what can you do? Crowd was RAVENOUS for this. This essentially set up Fletcher versus Speedball for next week at Arena Mexico.

Next up was Maya World versus Persephone, another match which was a bit puzzling and again really shows the difference between people who are allowed to ask reasonable questions about AEW and people who will STAND UP FOR AEW, no matter what. I thought “that’s weird; Maya should have a dominant win to establish herself as a true champion,” when I saw the initial announcement and moved on. Of course other people thought that too, and were concerned that Persephone doesn’t win a lot on AEW TV. Yes, she’s a champion in CMLL, and yes, that doesn’t mean there what it means here… but generally, with the exception of Mistico, luchadores in AEW are there to lay down for everyone else. “This is how people get pushed in AEW!” yelled some, and yes, there is truth to that, but the bottom line is luchadores and luchadoras look up at the lights a LOT down Jacksonville way. The match was okay, even good in spots (if rough in some others), but there was a lot of silliness in the finish, to set up Hikaru Shida and Persephone versus Maya World and Kris Statlander again for next week. Some were like “SEE? Maya World is great!” and some argued the opposite. I won’t subject you to fantasy booking (yuck) but I will just say that I would book Maya in less competitive, more dominant matches on TV to build her up, and then you can have the longer matches on PPV. I don’t think that’s some crazy idea. (Editor Convoy here, from the DISTANT FUTURE of Friday morning. Persephone, despite losing here, gets a singles match with Kris Statlander next week, not the tag team affair I had posited. Make it make sense.)

At some point, there was a sit down interview with Edge, Christian and the Young Bucks. It was fine but a touch repetitive; basically the C & C Connection or whatever they are called are concerned with proving they aren’t a nostalgia act (yeah, right) and the Bucks are concerned with cementing their legacy as four time AEW champs. Easy enough. Christian was rolling his eyes and made jokes about the Bucks’ wives. Ha ha. Stunned, STUNNED that this isn’t some dumb TLC thing.

Another puzzling but ultimately good match; Komander versus Jon Moxley. It was fun, Moxley gave him a lot but… again, here’s a dude people like (well, the crowd DID cheer Moxley more) going under for no real good reason. There is a slight connection; Komander’s troubles particularly with Claudio Castagnoli during the Continental Classic, but that didn’t exactly factor into the match. And hey, riddle me this. Jon Moxley has NO PROBLEM chopping the shit out of a guy… but his forearms and punches STILL look like shit. Why? Watch his corner countdown spot and look at those (not) punches. Again, good match, but I get tired of the Komanders, the Clons, the Mortoses, the Hechiceros being the underneath dudes. SHIT LIKE THIS IS WHY THE LUCHA BROS SPLIT. Feels like WCW and not in a good way. You wanna job out Super Calo? Be my guest… but La Parka, Psicosis, Silver King… those dudes were too TALENTED to be jabrones.

Anyway.

At some point here, Danny Garcia, bless his heart, called out Will Ospreay. Oh Danny. Oh Danny boy. The pipes, Danny. The pipes.

The final match made more sense; the Conglomeration versus the Demand. I was hoping the Demand would go over because that’s a good set of titles to give to some bad guys… and guess what? The bad guys won. I have to give Tony Khan a LOT of credit, here; the Gates of Agony have benefited a TON from being partnered with Ricochet, and they are a great act together. Khan HAS to be given credit for having some amount of vision in creating tag acts. I hope the trios titles get defended on TV more (and a plus in that column; they will be defended in the first match on Collision, which we’ll write about in a sec). There was an absolutely WILD scene, something that should make the opening of one of the shows where Orange Cassidy did the hands in pockets thing… and Toa Leona PICKED HIM UP BY THE HANDS. While they were still BEPOCKETED. Amazing.

It may sound like I didn’t like this show from my nitpicking, here; it really WAS good, with really solid in ring action and two excellent promo sections. I’m just a bit confused as to some of the actual MATCH MAKING, if that makes sense. If you squint, if you turn off your brain, if you don’t write a dopey column for a couple dozen people to read every week; the show rocked, as I said before.

There was some gnashing of teeth (because of course there was) that the Motor City Machine Guns did not make their debut on Dynamite.

So Collision started off with… the debut of the Motor City Machine Guns.

I suppose, in the Mighty LZM Manner, I should stop here for a second and write about my “relationship” with the Guns.

I’ve written about watching TNA here quite a bit, of course. Chris Sabin and Alex Shelley were small but important parts of particularly that 2004 to 2006 window where Scott D’Amore had a little more power… Shelley getting to dork around with the lethargic Kevin Nash (and even calling him a mentor, for REAL) and Sabin being one of the more prominent X-Division guys, not at AJ Styles’ level, perhaps, but just underneath, a pay per view fixture. Sabin, the workhorse, Shelley, the guy who was especially charasmatic but watched tape (so much tape that they would make it a part of his gimmick). They had these guys sitting around in the back, being depicted as Gen X slackers who wanted to play video games and watch Jackass (in a REALLY shitty Jackass the movie tie in or something) involving bowling balls and laxatives and… sigh. Meanwhile, across the sea, Shelley and Sabin started teaming up together. And when they brought that team back to the USA…

…The MURDER City Machine Guns were born. Oh, not in TNA, but in Ring of Honor and Pro Wrestling Guerrilla. And yes, sometimes they were ALSO the MOTOR City Machine Guns. I dunno. But I remember buying ROH DVDs specifically to see these guys as a team, particularly having a match with the Briscoes, if memory serves. And the TNA kinda cracked down on their workers working elsewhere… and the Guns finally became a regular part of TNA TV. I remember we were hosting… I guess you’d have to call it a pay per view party (double yuck) and the the Guns were fighting Team 3D (again, if memory serves correctly. I can barely remember what I ate for breakfast today). One of the Guns set a table against the ring post in the corner. “Chris Sabin is gonna run up that table,” I said. He might have been looking for Sliced Bread (that was Shelley’s move, so maybe I have the person or the set up wrong) but the point being one of them did, in fact run up the table to hit a move, and everyone in the room looked at me like I was a genius.

The Guns would go on to do a bit in New Japan Pro Wrestling, have a famous best of seven series with their rivals, Beer Money Inc. and other than that, just generally went unappreciated in TNA. Naturally. A few years later, when they were both free of that deadly Floridian gravity, the Guns reformed in ROH, that blessed time in ROH where the Young Bucks were regulars. The Best Friends. ReDragon. New Japan guys. Shelley had formed a tag team with KUSHIDA in NJPW called the Time Splitters in the meantime, so sometimes you’d get them as a trio or even just Sabin and Kushida both in NJ and ROH. Sabin was a bit diminished from injuries, but as a tag team, the two could cover some of the wear and tear from years of being underappreciated workhorses. Shelley (wisely) got into medicine (not THAT way, jerks) and became a licensed physio-therapist, as he wondered if wrestling was gonna be what he did for the rest of his life. They reformed the team again, this time in the somewhat diminished TNA of 2020, even appearing on AEW at least once when TNA and AEW were aligned. And when those contracts ended…

The Motor City Machine Guns went to WWE.

It pains me, reader, being a dilettante and yet somehow knowing that a move like that was the wrong call. How is it that folks like you and I, who aren’t in the business, who know about it from hearsay, essentially, can see these things coming when the actual people in the business can’t? I don’t own a crystal ball; I’m just a jerk with a desk and a modicum of critical thinking. There was a time in 2023 or even 2024 that there was a lot of chatter, even chatter amongst people you might be surprised by, that despite the money, despite the schedule, AEW wasn’t the place to be and WWE, despite rarely making tag team wrestling any kind of priority, was. Who knows, maybe they were promised NXT coaching roles or all sorts of bells and whistles? Surely they couldn’t have bought Triple Paul’s bullshit on it’s own, right? Right?

*cough*

Of course, since a contract in WWE is about the most one sided thing since the invention of the mirror; the Guns only lasted about a year before being wished the best in their future endeavors. Everyone saw it coming. Hell, maybe the Guns did as well; who can say. They did a cute little video a few days ago saying that they had landed a new contract… somewhere… and here we are. Most AEW fans will welcome them with open arms, but it’s difficult for me, even though I loved these guys for the better part of twenty (!!) years, to accept that they chose WWE. Let’s take AEW completely out of the equation for a second. I don’t CARE that they DIDN’T go to AEW. I care that they ACTIVELY chose WWE. There’s a point where I have to assume that people choosing WWE are choosing to go in with both eyes closed; WWE is an EVIL place, full of the institutional ROT Vince McMahon left in his wake. “Bad Man Gone,” is what everyone wants you to believe, but the Bad Man’s support network…? There’s still an awful lot of that infrastructure in place. Ah, it’s just business, right? I suppose… but anyone going there on purpose, even now, I have to cast a wary eye at. Yeah, the Guns made a mistake… but their mistake is rewarded, presumably, with a cushy job in AEW… and I’m not sure that’s a FAIR thing.

The best I can say is that I hope this finally leads to a resurgence in the AEW tag team scene, which has been stagnant for ages. I hope the Guns are SERIOUS about making AEW their home.

So yeah, Detroit night two indeed kicked off with the Demand defending their new trios titles against the Rascalz. Again, the trios titles should absolutely be being defended once a week on either Dynamite or Collision with wild, car crash spots, just pure juice to get or sustain a crowd.

There was a somewhat tortuous explanation of the forthcoming Continental Cup, a new way to have something for Jon Moxley to do a sixteen man tourney. The Continental title warrants TWO different types of tournament? Huh. After consulting with several soccer enjoyers (but not my main soccer expert; apologies to that certain someone), they explained that in the real life FA Cup, which is apparently what the Continental Cup is based upon, there are completely random match ups, with the more famous teams coming in in the later stages of the draw. Will Tony Khan be bold enough to do SHOOT random match ups? I mean, maybe. This sounds like an interesting concept, I suppose, but it’s a bit perplexing in that wrestling fans tend to enjoy being able to plot out brackets and project winners; the random element here might be fun, but takes that aspect of enjoyment away. I figured this was just gonna be a rip off of the New Japan Cup. I predict my man Nigel McGuinness makes it to Wem-be-ley to take on Moxley. I will probably be wrong.

Tomasso Ciampa survived his impromptu TREPANNING and beat hairy Nick Commoroto.

Hangman threw in his lot with Brody King and Bandido to form Lo Bueno, lo Malo y lo Feo. But who is the ugly one?! Hurr hurr hurr.

The Brawling Birds got their pal Hazuki from STARDOM to join them to take on Athena and her goons. As always, whenever Athena shows up in AEW, those three letters are her Kryptonite (to be fair, loyal Diamante ate the pin).

One of the better use of “legends,” one even I can’t bitch about, took place as Rhino and THE INSANE CLOWN POSSE came out to hurl ice at the Conglomos for the ALS Challenge. Love you, Rebel (not Reba). Whoop whoop, and so on.

The Bang Bang etc. somehow defeated the Death Riders. Stupid me; I turned to the wife and said “well, at least there’s no way [Bullet Club Gold] can win this!” The Death Riders are poor losers, of course, so they beat up Juice Robinson post match (thereby turning face in THIS household) but the Motor City Machine Guns made the save because… I dunno. Detroit, what?

Kris Statlander killed a lady quicker than I could write her name down. Seriously, by the time I had added the young lady’s name to my notes, the match was over. Fourteenth reboot is the charm!

Komander, MY BELOVED KOMANDER, finally found his water level and defeated Jay Lethal to punch his ticket to Arena Mexico in some kind of multi man match next week, a match he certainly won’t win. I think it’s one of those “who will be number one in the Casino Thingie” matches but at this point of the show, they were just throwing out MATCH AFTER MATCH for next week, so who knows. Somewhere in here, a unit of Don Callis men featuring Hechicero, Kazuchika Okada and Kevin Knight, champions all, threw out a “former champion challenge,” which will be answered by Chris Jericho, Darby All in and Mistico. Gee, guess who will be eating La Mistica? Hechicero, mon amour, you deserve better.

And finally, main event the second; Will Ospreay took on Danny Garcia, with Moxley on comms. “You guys fixed Ospreay’s neck, but YOU were the ones responsible for breaking it!” one of the commentators pointed out. “Yeah, well, it’s all a crazy, winding road,” said a bemused but dismissive Moxley.

Here’s the thing about Ospreay. We give him a hard time (both the character and the man himself) for being a dumb dumb… but the reality is that he is probably the most generous main event wrestler I have ever seen, almost generous to a fault. Danny is no slouch, he doesn’t need to be carried, but this cat is treated as a clown nine times outta ten. Ospreay made him look like a million bucks. Garcia focused on Ospreay’s neck (I really hope we aren’t back to Ospreay’s neck being the sole focus of every goddamned Ospreay match, but it makes sense here because obviously the Death Riders would have intimate knowledge about Ospreay’s stack of dimes) with headlocks, a draping DDT and a piledriver. If only you, my beloved audience knew about even a TENTH of the cruel things shouted at the TV in Casa de Convoy during any given wrestling show. I feel the grim hand of cancellation looming. Obviously Ospreay won here; he is the number one contender, but this was a terrific match, anyway. The post match celebration saw Mark Davis and Roppongi Vice attack Ospreay from the crowd; Ospreay now has no friends. But Ospreay is now well ‘ard, guv’nor (ugh) and made a one man comeback, setting up his match with Davis at Arena Mexico, which has been upgraded from a mere match to a MEXICO CITY STREET FIGHT. Okay.

So, Dynamite? Excellent, with a couple of odd choices. Collision? Fine, if a bit overstuffed. Dynamite next week? Sounds great but DEFINITELY overstuffed. SUCH IS LIFE.

Special shout out again to the peoples of Detroit, without whom I suspect we would not be quite as effusive with praise over the last two nights of graps.

*I chose this title Wednesday night. Not claiming insider status; I just wanted you to know how goddamn SMART I am. IYKYK.

**Not unlike an average column here at La Zona Muerta,amirite